RollerDerbyVixen's Blog

Dedication!!!!

2011-02-28T05:40:00.000-08:00

Wow ladies...Its been a good minute once again....but I am back and have a story to share with you....February has been a trying month for some of our derby sisters.....This past Feb. one of our derby sisters lost an 18 month old nephew....Sadly he was beat to death by his mother and the BF.....This is a perfect example of how something so negative can stem something so beautiful in the end.....His name was Conrad......So we had a skate off to raise money for the prevention of child abuse.....Skaters from all over the area got together and skated our butts off.....and it was something amazing......Yes there was many tears shed for this little boy.....Yes it was real tough when it hit so close to home for many of us....as we know its not what you do.....its how you do it.....and ladies I'm about to blow this all up out of the water.....in thoughts,,,,,with many prayers,,,,not to forget the tears.....for this little soldier Conrad.....
My first step is changing the child abuse laws in North Dakota.....I am going to be meeting up with the prevention of child abuse board this week.....I am focusing on emotional abuse,,,,which isn't even considered a form of child abuse....and the sexual abuse.....its only considered abuse if the child was penetrated....These innocent children don't have a voice....I figured I have a big mouth time to start using it towards something positive.....Granted I am starting in North Dakota first......My goal is to go NATION WIDE ladies....

So with all this being said......I never thought I could be more dedicated to something other than derby....but i have been proved wrong.....I am not going to stop until these children have a voice....until they are protected by the law.....you wouldn't believe how many children are killed by there own parents.....This has to stop.....They didn't ask to be born.....They only asked to be loved.....Who cares where this love is stemming from....So to all the broken children of the world.....I am now an adult.....broken at one time....working every day to fix my life.....I will not stop until they listen....Until the laws have been changed in order to protect.... not to just give up and walk away......North Dakota is just a start.....NATION WIDE here i come......to those who beat there children y'all better watch out.....these kids not only have a voice but now they have KARMA on there side......Karma doesn't forget......You will get yours......Until then....I have a voice.....

My little soldier Conrad.....I feel you everyday.....I know you are up there playing with angels....and wiping your families tears away.......I know that you see what you mean to people like me.....and i also know that you know your death has givin many of us our Life back.....I feel like i can breath.....I know that one day you will be one of the many waiting for me.....Until then....I am going to fight till the end.....I will protect the ones that need.....and continue to fight until my knuckles bleed......Little Conrad....You will always be a fellow soldier to me.....and the love your memory has created is something so priceless to me....

You are now safe.....and feel the power of true love and what it can do......All this is in memory of you!!!!!!

Much Derby Love

Karma aka Karmic Recall 911

The New, The Bold, The Beautiful!!!!

2011-01-27T04:46:00.000-08:00

First off I want to thank RollerDerbyVixens for giving us the opportunity to blog our thoughts!!!! I am feeling inspired.....A lil wired if you may from the excitement to be able to introduce the new teams coming your way.....Roller derby is more than a fad....Its a sport.....The females involved are more than a pretty face.....They are athletes.....

I reside in Fargo North Dakota.....Insert brrrr now.....Not to my surprise the roller derby leagues are popping up left and right.....These girls are not messing around.....These leagues maybe brand new,,,,,but they are by far making there mark.....practicing hard and playing even harder.......keep up the good work ladies....

We have the Bisman Bombshells from Minot North Dakota.....They are supported by there AFB......I have little information I apologize but they are an upcoming league to watch for in the future.....

I am also proud to introduce to the derby family the Fergus Falls Roller Girls....They don't have a patch yet so I picked out a picture....These ladies are full of character and is ready to prove there worth to this sport.....
Here comes Grand Forks Sugar Beaters on the back stretch......These girls are having an upcoming bout real soon at the Alerus Center..A Bout To Remember....Feb 19th starts at 6:30 pm.....Good luck Sugar Beaters.....Much Derby Love Ladies!!!!!

Last but certainly not the least.....Bemidji Babe City Rollers est. in 2009....These girls are some tough girls.....working through there growing pains and becoming a team to watch out for.....They are already wftd apprentice league.....They are fierce and coming up quick....Great job ladies....babecityrollers@gmail.com....These ladies will be playing against FMDG (Fargo Moorhead Derby Girls) on Feb 19th at the Civic Center....Last bout against Fargo they won by 2 so this will def be a bout to check out!!!!

I am proud to welcome these upcoming leagues with open arms.....I love compitition so bring it on ladies.....Bring it on!!!!!!

Sending Much Derby Love,,,
Karma

Just going to stand there and let me burn!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

Just going to stand there and let me burn.....Every team, Every time, I always have a scar to remind me......The very energy that started that very fire....is the very energy I will use to ignite.....to gain strength to ignite.....to keep rolling on,,,,,being a true soldier!!!!! I will always go to the extreme that's just me......love it or leave me......i am in search of pure loyalty......loyalty to themselves not just a league......individuals who stand bi there words and there dignity not ones who use all there strength and energy to copy or rob me of my ideas.......I don't stand bi the truth because i like the way it hurts!!!!!!! your either one of two people.......One who stands there and hear me cry........or those who are going to ask hey Karma what is it that made you cry........so i ask now don't act like you care..... i don't need pity......I don't need those types of people in my life!!!!!

Roller Derby has given me a lot.....but it also takes a lot......but know when something or someone takes from me......its because i have already given up!!!!! so how can you take something that has already been given to you?????? kinda reminds me of Columbus day........how the hell can you discover something that has already been discovered my friends......just a thought!!!!!!

So many thoughts go through my head........I only try to be better......a better player........a better person........so I have come to a few conclusions.....From this day forward.......I refuse to be swallowed bi the politics of.....i will rise above the rumors that you once used to destroy me......I will not allow the negative ......any negative energy delegate my love...and jealousy is not welcome.......you need to work hard and dedicate yourself so instead of being jealous of someone be the one they are jealous of!!!!!

I am not in it for the tittle "roller girl" I am more than just a tittle you see....I am a true ROLLER GIRL and you cant take that away from me......open your eyes and you will one day realize KARMIC RECALL 911 embraces the end........ for every end there is a new beginning.....I will not hold on to the negativity......no not I........Nor will I hold anything against anyone......That's not my style!!!!!

I'm not afraid......when its dark I will be the light at the end of the never ending tunnel of life.........of love .....of today........of -tomorrow- that is not promised to you or me...so take responsibility of your own actions.......don't worry about mine......i will pay my dues in full and continue to grow.......all the while you wish you still had KARMA on your side.......I stand alone......everyday......I will pray for all of you who has done me wrong.......for all of you who can not see what your lies that she hides behind and the true chaos it caused.......I may be this and you may be that.......but at least i know who the F#cK i AM!!!!!

I'd rather be "trapped" bi TRUTH.......Then "free'ed" bi IGNORANCE!!!!!

MUCH DERBY LOVE Y'ALL
KARMA AKA KARMIC RECALL 911

Fat Bottomed girls make the rockin world go round...

2010-08-04T03:58:00.000-07:00

I use to be a REALLY fat chick.

Now i'm just chubby,chunky, fluffy..whatever the word you wanna use. I have the tell tale signs on me from formerly being huge, and losing it..nothing a few grand and a lil table time with a plastic surgeon couldn't fix..but eh, it's me, you either like me, for me, or you don't, the looks is just the packaging.

I was ok being a fat chick. I got winded alot.. and tired, and lazy...

But eventually something clicks. Something about social power, and semiotics, and lifestyle fantasy. Derby being my fantasy..my new lifestyle..and the social power it brings..

WAIT!!! But what's semiotics you ask? They break down into 3 branches:

* Semantics: Relation between signs and the things to which they refer;
* Syntactics: Relations among signs in formal structures
* Pragmatics: Relation between signs and their effects on those who use them

The feminist movement used to talk about "click" moments. Moments in which you sense something falling into place. (Being a gigantic wilder-beast on skates and how proud I was to say it was me and my fat ass who knocked that bitch down and then saying that I was BORN to play this sport because I was fat, and how everyone applauded my exploits, instead of perhaps saying I discovered that if I just propel myself forward and keep the screaming that I am going to die in my head,and the look of sheer terror off my face, nobody will ever know that excellent take down was purely by accident and I was really trying to save my dental work:CLICK!)

Something about the shifting boundary between fat and unfat. Who is which? Fat is a social identity. It is interesting that I call myself The Fat Girl now, because I am only The Fat Girl to myself.To others I am the giant amazon chick. When I first started at the company i'm at now, we had a different Fat Girl. But she wore ugly lifeless boxy unflattering clothes and looked like she was waiting to have the shit kicked out of her. (I also did the former, but not the latter: I looked like I would cut you and leave you to bleed out before your children if you kicked me). She was weird.She had no social skills, she smelled funny. She was The Fat Girl, not me, and people made fun of her. I made fun of her too at the time, before I learned how badly words can hurt, though not for being fat.

Sometimes now (often?) I don't even feel like a Fat Person, in the way that means "abnormal, subhuman." But more than ever, I socially identify as a Fat Person.

I will always be, in my head.. a Fat Girl.

A Fat Derby Girl.

Which brings me to my point...

I let myself get out of shape. My husband told me about 6 months ago, before GCRG fell apart, he saw things I refused to see.. and he told me "you either ref, and run the team. or you skate, and give the team to them" (them being the *cough* coup leaders) He told me I can't do both. So I kept my team. I let myself get slow and lazy, didnt keep up with my supplements and my conditioning.Then add in a fantastic knee injury.. I struggle now.

But I don't struggle as bad as when I was huge..

But, I will get there.

But this isn't about me. Although I have done a fine job of making it so...

You know those fat bottomed girls you have on your team? You know who I am talking about. The ones who struggle through 25 in 5's, through their 10/4's. Who suck at endurance in the heat. Who need extra help with everything...

They want to be there, they want to contribute, they want to better themselves. Instead of telling them "why don't you just be a ref.." say something like "I see your trying, and let's see if I can help you..." Or even "Why don't you ref, or become a stat packer,WHILE your working on being a bitchin ass blocker, cause we need you out their girl." (derby girls who have been refs first, have a fantastic understanding of the game btw)... why not words of encouragement. Why not take the time to make them feel like they are vital to the team. Take a few minutes and visit with them..drop them a line. Let them know they aren't some hindrance to the team, holding everybody back.

Because while we know they really are not.. because we are all mostly concerned with getting our own shit done..a lifetime of weight issues and self image issues, puts a crap shitload of stuff in a girls head..

Don't add to it..

Besides.. todays fat bottomed girls struggling through practice, may be next seasons bad ass back blockers... clearing the way for you like Moses through the Red Sea..

And you slighted them...

Goes back to that subhuman feeling...

Everybody has a place.. Even the Fat Bottomed Girls.

Sometimes..you just know...

2010-07-20T22:46:00.001-07:00

I went through over a year of shit on my first team...

I went through a year of stupidity on my second team.

But sometimes, you just know, almost instantly.. where you really belong..

This is my blog.. and it's my opinions, and I am entitled to them..

Team 2 was just..I dunno, I thought it was fantastic because it wasn't the hell hole team 1 was, but in retrospect, it was a different kind of bullshit. There is no sanitized derby, no pretty girl sweet way of doing derby. Derby is derby..plain and simple. I'm not saying that women of breeding dont belong in derby, but that breeding doesn't give you the right to be an asshole to people who don't look like you, or act like you..because sweet cheeks.. derby is filled with people who dont look like you, have the same socio economic background as you.., or education level as you. If you judged everybody with those perimeters.. you'd be kinda fucked..

So what, someones child looks off, or their tooth is rotten, or somebody else is chubby or lazy, or what you deem trashy..I have found, that people who tend to pick on other people, especially with the guise of being better than they are, usually have some serious deep seeded issues themselves..

So we took the team name, and made it a league name, and merged it with another areas team.. for various reasons,and made a big superpower of derby girls.Originally we had the ones who didn't go with the others going to travel and join us..but they either pussed out because the drive was too far, or they all seriously have some major drama, and I don't need that toxicity on this nice, unspoiled, unjaded derby.

I went into this, closed off again. Jaded. But right off the bat, my contact was a girl who got me, and I her. I didn't need to explain myself, and all my bullshit baggage with being closed off to people because being closed off means you dont leave yourself open to get fucked over, and she didn't need to explain hers..I remember our first convo.. when I got off the phone, I cried..I cried to my husband, because every time derby drama happens, I cry and think maybe I am crazy..because I try to do the right thing and do right by people, but I keep getting fucked over.

But after that convo, I realized.. I am not crazy.. and that girl got me. We have an understanding..

So I went to practice with a renewed sense of hope in derby, instead of leaving it altogether.

They say the 3rd time is a charm..I think that is a true statement in every sense of the words.

Girls with ink, and piercings, and love fishnet and weird shit as much as I do..we go to practice, and we are not too good to go to the pub afterwards..we don't think we are better than anybody else, or each other.. and we don't do that "ohhh I don't want to be seen with you" bullshit..

And it's weird not having to sensor everything I say..because it might offend a plastic and her sensibilities. Or the lil Meatball with legs merch girl who has to be told what she thinks... I say what I want, do what I want.. and I love these girls..because they do the same, and they make no apologies. They are secure in who they are, and it's not about keeping up appearances..

I have no illusions we wont have derby drama.. we will. But for some reason, I don't ever see the issues we fight about, being about how we looked to so and so, and don't say this, and don't post that because I don't want so and so to see it and think badly of me because I am a business owner with a degree in cow psychology.

Who cares..really.

If I had it to do all over again, and go back to Orange...I would never ever even give it a second thought. Orange doesn't exist to me anymore..while I accept the apology texts I have been getting..it's just a closed chapter in my life.

Many thanks to H.A.R.D from Corpus Christi, and Original GCRG's for helping to spread Derby Domination to Lake Charles...

"Last night I dreamed of Edward Cullen..."

2010-07-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

No shit..except he was a jammer ref and he was packin down the Jager shots and belting out tunes in a rousing round of karaoke with one of my homegirls from Corpus.

I am seriously not even fucking joking!

I really need to look into watching something non derby related before bed..I wasn't even thinking about Twilight!! Or Derby!! Where the hell did that shit come from?

I'm more a Wolf Pack chick anyway..

Before derby came in my life, and everything got a hole... or ink, I was a shitkicker. Yeah a wrangler-ariat fat baby-stetson-kippy belt wearin blinged out shitkicker.

I will just let you settle on that visual for a spell.

ANYHOO

Country music is riddled with songs that kick your ass. I still listen to Brooks N Dunn, Dierks Bentley, Gary Allan, and alot of old school country. One song in particular is my derby Ipod song Du Jour, cause the reality is..I may not look like a shitkicker, but I still drive a big ass truck, still say ya'll, still mess with showstock and frequent feed stores. I still have a barn and get horse shit on my boots. You can change the look, but you can't change the heart..

My song....Cowgirls Don't Cry..
Brooks N Dunn

Go look it up on youtube.

Yeah. I know. It's all poignant and related to derby in a non derby way..lol

I used to hate people and now I fucking love them. Ok, that may be an overstatement. I'm fascinated by how their minds work, and more often than not, how their minds cease working entirely. I enjoy watching quietly when someone else is at their best or at their absolute fucking worst. Otherwise I'm fucking loud. I'm fucking Obnoxious. I'm in love with using the word "fucking"

Everytime you use the F word in any variation, a metrosexual fictional vampire sparkles.

The Gulf Coast Rollergirls websites back up ..
www.gulfcoastrollergirls.com

Here's my most fav pic of my new teammates EVAR..taken by my husband

Hi..i'm clumsy...

2010-06-29T17:25:00.000-07:00

So yeah..my mom always says I could trip over a blade of grass. A shadow of a blade of grass actually.

Really, I tripped over the cat, with no knee pads. So I am hobbling around with a knee brace. To add insult to injury, when I was cleaning out the warehouse, I walked over this grinder thing..cleared it..no problem. I tripped over it's cord.

So I hobble.

I have been working really hard on my skating, super hard..I think harder than I ever have in 2.5 years..and I always seem to go down on the same knee. So every time I do a fall, despite the thickness of the memory foam on my 187 knee pads. I still feel it on that knee. By the end of the night..my knee is half a volleyball sized..and I can barely walk the next day..

WTF AM I THINKING!!!!

Hell if I know..

Here's my next great injury...and you will love this one.LOVE IT!!!

Yanno when your laying on your back, and you have your skates in the air and you rotate your ankles to loosen them up. Well I felt my left ankle lock up, and I didn't try to push it through, I went back the other way. I continued on for the rest of the night, it was a bit tender. I got home, took some ibuprofen and went to bed. By the next morning it was this huge swollen throbbing mess and I was unable to walk on it.

Yep.. I sprained my ankle..while not even on it.

I got crutches and everything. Ankle wrapped, knee brace, crutches. I am the epitome of sexiness..let me tell you.

It's worth it though. I am making great progress for once, because I dont have to do other crap before I can tend to my own skating. I met some great chicks, and I got my friends that came with me.

Something I wanted to mention..

Derby Drama, we all have it, we all see it. It may be ours, theirs, or people we don't even knows. I see it all the time on the group lists, I see it on other teams facebooks and myspaces..but I am gonna say this..

I saw something today that really bothered me.

Trash talking is going to happen. When people get mad, they say things they regret. Most times, I know in my case anyway, I want to take back things I say when I am mad..but whats done is done. Name calling happens, harsh words are spoken..lots of "fuck you" and "bitch" and "go fuck yourself" Respect is often lost, and won in these fights..

But I want every single one of us to take this message to heart..this is just derby. Rollerskates. Skating Fast, Turning Left..Looking cool. It doesn't define who we are as people, and what kind of person we are in the rest of our life out of our skates.

So what did I read that bothered me? "I say you need fucking therapy... you sick in the fucking head! Go blow your head off and reincarnate yourself as a REAL HUMAN BEING"

I am shocked I even read that. Never in any derby tiff have I been in, have I ever felt the need to tell somebody to go commit suicide. Nor have I ever heard anybody I greatly respect say something like that either.

This is derby. To suggest someone kill themselves over derby,not only reeks of the author being sick in the head as well, but needing therapy themselves for suggesting such a thing.Derby is not worth your life, or suggesting someone end their life over it. It bothered me more that someone was capable of saying it, than I was worried about the person it was directed to. Any rational person saw it for what it was, and dismissed it. I saw it for what it was..I also saw the person who said it for what they were..it really made me sad for them. What possesses people to say such garbage?

I cannot possibly think of one incident in derby that would ever warrant telling another human being to go blow their own head off. Nothing of such momentous magnitude that warrants such actions.

Now I realize I am probably talking out my ass, and I have a select number of readers here, and most likely this wont ever reach the people who need this message the most..

But words wound people..and please, choose your words carefully.. and when choosing them..try to contain them to the context of the subject matter at hand. Don't cross the line. And that statement..crosses all moral and ethical lines..

People make me so sad sometimes.

As for me..I have become one of "those people". I am wearing my Team Jacob shirt, my wolfpack bracelet, and sparkly eyeshadow. Yes.. I am going to see Eclipse.. mucho mucho grande excited..

BTW People..

The GCRG's fierce Hurricane Belle's and their lovely Lafitte's Ladies are not only proud to present, but also participate in The Battle For Independence, with our sister leagues, the Cen-Tex Sirens from Temple Texas, and The Brass Knuckle Brawlers from H.A.R.D of Corpus Christi Texas.
A portion of the door proceeds will be donated to Surfer Girl of South Side Roller Derby of Pearland Texas who just tragically lost her son Dustin..

To everything there is a season..

2010-06-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

I am not a particularly religious person, other than being Irish Catholic..but tonight I found myself so conflicted over something ..I turned to my dear friend Peg again for counseling..

She gave me this..

Ecclesiastes 3
There's a Right Time for Everything

There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

It's troubled me greatly, the way things have transpired. It's also troubled me the things, that people I once held in such high regard, have taken to saying/posting about me, sometimes based on conjecture, sometimes based on fact,sometimes based on their own perceived notions, and how they have their mindset already,sometimes just twisted facts and on occasion a fantastic combination of all of the above...and it bothers me how I have reacted to these things....it doesn't make me proud of myself at all..

There is a season for everything. Some people are meant to be your friend forever, and some people are meant to be your friend for only a season..and when that season is over.. so is the friendship. It doesn't matter if they are your friend for their own purposes, or your their friend for your own purposes, when the seasons change, your left empty, but a valuable lesson learned. You are forever enriched by having them in your life, if even for that brief season of your life.

I've reached the point of "I want a few close friends and the rest can go on their way" -because I don't "NEED" people anymore.I know who I am. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and while I like some people, a great deal of em actually.. I've learned that I want people of integrity and quality in my life,and the others - are my "acquaintances", not friends.

Friends, true friends, people who truly know you, at your very core, and know who you are, and what you stand for..wouldn't resort to caving into the "mob mentality".The "mob mentality" is just that..people often do and believe things merely because many other people directly surrounding them, do and believe the same things,"the probability of any individual adopting it increasing with the proportion who have already done so". As more people come to believe in something, even if it is hearsay,causes others to also "hop on the bandwagon" regardless of the underlying evidence. The tendency to follow the actions or beliefs of others can occur because individuals directly prefer to conform, to fit in with the people they are surrounded by."Mob Mentality" will quickly form when people decide to ignore their personal information signals (intuition, gut instinct) and follow the behavior of others.Actually,"jump on the bandwagon" is now used as a derogatory term, implying that people are associating themselves with the anticipated success without considering what they associated themselves with.

Conversely,because it's bothered me so much, the things that people that have recently referred to me as their friend, have taken to saying, my sharp tongue lashes out with intent to kill...out of hurt...It saddens me that women I once enjoyed a great rapport with..slowly change due to their prolonged exposure to the "mob mentality". They are in the "Let's Attack!" phase. They use the trash talking as a way to bond with each other.

But what happens when there is no longer a "me" to trash? The "mob" will need a new target. If I wasn't safe.. nobody is. It's just a matter of time before the seasons change again.Keep in mind, your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even truly know you, but they think they do.Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness,ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!!Those who gossip with you will gossip about you !!

If a person can't stand up and say.. "look, this is wrong,you may have had a problem with so and so for this or that,but that's between ya'll, keep it that way and talk to them about it.. but as for me, I don't, and don't drag me in it!" Then you don't need that kind of person in your life. It comes down to a question of what kind of character do you have. Do you follow the current cool kids du jour, or do you make a stand?

Ultimately,you have to behave by whatever your set of ethics is. Do as your conscience dictates.

Tell me - if two people are wrestling in the mud - who comes out cleanest? Neither.Both get covered in mud.But sometimes - you just walk away and let the other person stand in the mud puddle yelling at you. The thing is - its normal to want to hurt someone back when they hurt you. I am the Queen of this, I even have a crown.I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.Sometimes when I'm angry, and I have the right to be angry, it doesn't give me the right to be an asshole. One of my worst faults is, (aside from shooting off my mouth when someone has hurt me..)..When someone tells me something about myself it can be hard to hear...my initial reaction is to want to say, "yeah..but you do this..". The thing is...when I do that, I don't address my own behavior. In every criticism,there is always at least of nugget of truth I can take from it,sometimes I have to dig a bit.. and sometimes.. its a huge chunk..

Drama. That is yet another grossly over used word. Look at what drama has given us - plays, TV, movies. Drama is part of life. Drama itself is not "bad" - it is how drama is used that is bad. How it is processed and presented. Or how you perceive it yourself.In the future, ask yourselves, whenever you see someone behaving in what you perceive as drama, before you write them off..what could possibly cause them to behave like that? What's the core issue that started it? Many times, what is perceived as "drama" is merely a reaction to other peoples poorly thought out actions or words. Or even other peoples lack of action, (This goes back to thinking outside of the "mob mentality" and making a stand for what you think is right, or stating your opinion when something's wrong. Ignoring something doesn't make a problem go away, it exacerbates it.)..Those words or actions can wound, or hurt, or cause general hate or discontent...and reactions are normal. Hell, sometimes what your seeing is just somebody doing a little house cleaning, a little taking care of business. That's what happens when your in charge, your left with the crap jobs nobody else wants to do..or you have to make decisions that cause controversy...and if and when it all goes belly up..guess who's in the line of fire...the girl who had to do the housecleaning. The girl who had to make the hard decisions. Life is not all stars and lobsters.If something's amazing, it won't be easy. If it's easy, it won't be amazing. If it's worth it, don't give up. If you give up, then you were not worthy.

All I know is, I have to live by the standards I've set for myself - but I can't expect others to live by my standards.It's ludicrous to expect people to..

True friends, can always work out their issues,reach out and try to right a wrong or talk about things before it erupts in a negative fashion,they don't turn their back on each other. They also don't let foolish pride stand in the way..

True friends don't jump on the bandwagon to be accepted..they don't rag on people just because it's the thing to do. They don't perpetuate the discontent... they don't keep slinging mud just to have something to say, to try to endear themselves to the rest of the "Mob", to bond with them..nobody is impressed, and it really just shows your true nature.

If you encounter people like that in your life,then they really can't fall in the true friend category.

To everything there is a season...

The Season has changed..it's time to put this chapter away, take what I have learned from it and shape it into a useful lesson to remind myself of how far I have come, and how far I have left to go, and thank the stars for my good fortune of the friends who have so staunchly stood by me,picked me up by my skate laces and dusted my knee pads off and accepted me for me, faults and all..and loved me for it..and to never again let those who didn't, bother me with their reproaches,and unkind words.. because I am still the same person I was 3 weeks ago.The girl you greeted warmly, and smiled and joked with... Just because certain people have decided they don't like me anymore or even find a reason to find fault with a decision that was made and then yet others decide to go follow "the mob".. doesn't mean I have changed, grown horns and a pointed tail, and suddenly started dancing in the moonlight with a goat. You don't contract "the plague" simply from knowing me...

"A right time to hold on and another to let go,"

I am letting go.

But holding on fast, tight and hard to derby....

Look for a BIG announcement shortly...about a massive multi group effort!!! I FRIKKIN LOVE ROLLER DERBY!!

WoW !!!! Its been too Long!!!!

2010-06-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

wow i feel like its been forever.....and it has.....funny how things work out...or don't for that matter.....many doors may close along the way......just keep an eye out for the ones that have yet to -open- your eyes to the -truth- will set you -free- yourself before you can free -others- will -judge- me no more......you figure it out!!!!

rollerderby has broke my heart more than anyone and anything....half of that is my fault thinking that things will be different ......but they never are.....the politics in derby is what creates a messy situation.....you just have to find a way to be able to distance yourself and not take things personally......its so hard because we put our full hearts into everything we do especially derby and yet the cheese stands alone......

people you must realize sometimes you have to brake the rules in order to remind people there are rules to be broken......never never never make anything a priority if there only going to treat you as an option!!!!! rollergirls we are a dying breed.....the true derby girls that sacrifice there time .......not to mention our hearts......

I pledge my everything to create a world for true rollergirls to skate free......to create a sisterhood among us......a sisterhood that can never be touched bi the outside influences......the gossip.......or the politics....... this sport has massive potential......its time to be treated as true athletes ladies.....its time to grab the bull bi its horns and then castrate it before it castrates you!!!! a lil karmas logic for you !!!!! no charge!!!!

I absolutely tip my hats off to all the ladies that are in it for a productive reason.....not the wanna Be's ... i just want to let you ladies know i love you for your everything...... and keep your head up .....when all else fails take a deep breath and step back for a moment if need be.....don't push the inevitable.....never feed into the negativity and greed that goes with the false power bull shiznet....

much derby love
karma!!!

Is this thing on?

2010-06-01T16:00:00.001-07:00

I forgot last week..

By the looks of things..people been forgetting this blog alot.

I am dying to know how Karma's situation worked out, How's La Mort doin'?

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?

As for us.. we got some sponsors. YAY!!

And Friday is my birthday, and we head off, we being the girls of GCRG, and our Coach and some refs, and our new Free Agent skater we picked up..to AUSTIN!

We are doing a banked track workshop with the ladies of TXRD. Yeah, those chicks from the A & E Series Rollergirls, The Documentary Hell on Wheels, and Whip It.. (well sorta where Whip It is concerned)

We are so excited we could scream....

Look for pics next week!!!

The JackRabbit/Boo Boo Collaboration..

2010-05-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

This is a joint venture between Jackrabbit Slams, and Boo Boo LaRue..

I realize this may offend some people..but we both came from WFTDA teams..we are both mutant amazons..this is just how WE feel..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, remember when roller derby was more about strategy and big hits rather than everyone skating as freaking fast as they can?

Yeah, that was fun.

Eff you, Tiny. I'm 6ft2....spend a week skating on stilts with a small child on your back and then you're qualified to tell me how to skate.

If I want help, I will ask. but the first thing out of your mouth had better not be "get low" or the next thing out of your mouth WILL be "oh my god my face, what the hell did you do to my face you psychotic bitch." It's not MY fault that my "get low in the skater position" is basically the same height as you standing upright. I am a mutant amazon. Deal with it. You'll be thanking me when your jamming your tiny ass off and I have cleared a damn path for you like Moses through the Red Sea. My height or my skater position won't matter a damn bit then. Just what's on the scoreboard.

This game needs to be approached from the angle of "what gets people to buy tickets?" because at the end of the day, that's what keeps the league going. Joe Random can spend his Saturday night doing a multitude of different things, so why bother with roller derby if it's just girls going in a circle? Female sports, whoopee. LPGA. Softball. Synchronized swimming. BORING. Roller derby had that weird, punk rock edge to it. It was an anti-sport. It was FUN, and now it's being run by a bunch of teeny tiny athletic chicks with the highschool cheerleader pack mentality who think everyone on the league needs to skate just like them. I DON'T SKATE LIKE YOU, I SKATE LIKE ME!! WHAT WORKS FOR YOU DOESN'T WORK FOR ME!!

That must be one hell of a dimension you live in, but here on earth, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. Here's an amazing, earth-shattering revelation: not everyone wants to jam. Not everyone is quick. Stop forcing them to do so and stop shaming them and punishing them when they can't.

When I started skating, roller derby was the most amazing, awesome, life-changing sport I've ever seen. Most days it still is..but I see alot of girls come and go, tears streaming down their face, because they can't skate like "those girls"

I was one of them for the longest time. The tears, the reproaches.

You just gotta find your niche, find your mark, take into account what everybody says in the way of advice, but ultimately find what works best for you, because no one person is going to have the ultimate solution for you.

For me, it was different stoppers, still getting over my glitch from a bad fall, getting away from negativity, and letting someone rent space in my head..

And it's true, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger..or makes you mean as hell...
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Here is me demonstrating the proper way to sexually harrass a hot head coach..

2010-05-13T20:29:00.000-07:00

I WENT TO TRAINING!!!!...freshie training, i helped some of the starter-uppers with t-stopping. i liked being on my skates. i liked seeing the people. i liked it when i made the new girls laugh and do baseball slides. i liked how freekin well they can all t-stop with their bad foot.
but then i didn't go to my own scrimmage training last night. i started to stress about it. what urges i might feel and what actions i might take and where that might lead me...ugh. to be perfectly honest, i've really been enjoying my time off. i'm relaxed and doing creative things and taking time to smell the freekin roses - which do NOT smell like a months worth of sweat that never dried out properly - NICE.

BUT i am playing a fun time demo bout for the Northern Rivers Roller Derby in Lismore, they are staring up a league on the very rink i first skated on. and my mum and dad are coming to watch for the first time since i think my 2nd or 3rd bout, like 2ish years ago. oow. must....be....impressive....and not...yell at everyone....too much

"Your playing like Betty White.."

2010-05-12T01:58:00.001-07:00

I sat here for a few hours, pondering what to write this weeks blog about. Alot of things are on my mind to write about,and I have a veritable cornucopia of subjects to write about, but for some reason I can't sit here and get any of them to form cohesive sentences, and cognitive thoughts. It's just not happening for me tonight.

Blame it on lack of sleep, blame it on my case of "fight or flight or freeze" earlier tonight, blame it on the 50 bajillion things that run through my brain at any given time. I sit here, wide awake at 3:15 am.

How distracted am I? I just realized that for the past hour and a half there has been soft core porn on Showtime, and I havn't even noticed.
Now that I have noticed, if my boobs looked like that..well..i'd keep my top on. I think his Pec muscles are bigger.Really? Who makes all that noise?

I guess this is a short sweet derby blog..that isn't about derby at all.

It's now 5 am...

Nothing...

"My first name is Blarfingarb...spelled L-E-E"
"My last name in Blarfingarb...spelled S-M-I-T-H"

"So your name is Blarfingarb Blarfingarb spelled Lee Smith?"

"Yes..that is correct."

Gawd I love Betty White..her performance on SNL was GENIUS!

Told you i'm all over the map tonight..with not a cohesive thought..

2010-05-05T15:18:00.000-07:00

ummmmmmmmmmmm...when is a roller derby blog not a roller derby blog?
i've been to the doctor - twice and a lovely Russian lady who took my blood and a psychologist and i went on the ferry and i went out to dinner and ate delicious Thai food and i've been to paradise (thank you p-dawg) but i haven't been to training...

Waves Hand... "These aren't the rollergirls your looking for.."

2010-05-05T00:58:00.000-07:00

Due to a high metaclorin count in my blood, I am able to use the force to discern between who is a good fit for our team, and who's not.

I am a Jedi Rollergirl.

However, sometimes my metaclorin count is drastically reduced by this thing called Starbucks, and it seriously affects my ability to use the force in these matters.

Did you know I once used the force to open a Jar of Dill Pickles?

Ok seriously.. all BS aside. I am not actually a Star Wars geek, although on occasion, because I am so slow, I feel like a giant AT-AT on the Ice Planet Hoth..

I am actually a Lord of the Rings freak.. but LOTR didn't really fit my analogy here..

What i'm talking about is gut instinct. Intuition. That first knee jerk reaction when you meet someone. If you went with this, the majority of the time, you most likely would save yourself alot of time and heartache and drama.

I have spoken with some of my teammates about this, and they have said the same thing "Had I went with my gut instinct in such and such business/family situation, I would have not had to do this crap job, or put up with this jerkwad" In my particular case, my man, has the instincts of a bargain hunting bridezilla at the Macy's sample sale. Every single time I have not listened to him about a situation, or a person, I have regretted it. He was right about certain people/situations on my first team. He was right about the rink owner and her groupie at the first rink GCRG was at when it was newly formed, but in that case, I heeded his gut feelings, and protected our interests, and we got out of there with our name, colors and everything that belongs to us. When I don't listen to him..I always, ALWAYS regret it.

Rarely do people escape my own gut instinct..or manage to not raise my alarms. I say rarely. But it does happen. I try to convince myself that the reason I am having these feelings is because of things that have been done to, or around me, that have lead me to be a jaded person..but that nagging feeling always wins out.

Events of late have been no exception. Just like I was not a good fit with my first team, invariably you get girls who are not a good fit for your team. It's nothing personal, it just happens. Be it they have issues with the team, or how it's run..or we have issues with their behavior.Just don't drag it out for the sake of being a nice person. Do what you need to do from the get go. Take action.

In order to have a cohesive team..you have to have unity. You have to work together. No one person is better than the other. No one is entitled to special privileges to the point they can repeatedly break rules. If you think that you are such a fantastic skater that you can break rules without consequences, then you have no respect for your teammates. Petty Jealousy has no place in derby. If you are jealous because of someone else's skills, then fine tune your own skills, instead of downing them for theirs. If you can't take constructive criticism, then you have no place in derby either..because derby is a constant learning process. Trying to take over from the inside is not going to ingratiate you to people either. They see it for exactly what it is.

The point to all of this and how does it relates to my metaclorin count? Had I listened to my gut instinct, my intuition when first meeting certain people, we would have been able to save our team alot of drama and heartache these past 2 weeks. Straight across the board..I had a gut instinct about all of the girls we terminated, save for one. She managed to escape my instincts.

After all their raging, and commentary and hateful remarks and mass emails to the team and endless phone calls to people trying to sway opinions..I now see how exasperating I probably was to my old team captain. To an extent. I was never that bad though.

Moral of the story?

Always, ALWAYS trust your gut.. it tends to save you a lot of trouble further on down the line. And when you trust your gut...act upon it..

I will leave you with a few quotes I have found useful this past 2 weeks..

To paraphrase the great Oscar Wilde "The only thing that ever consoles someone for the stupid things they do is the praise they always give themselves for doing them."

"You must acquire the trick of ignoring those who do not like you. In my experience, those who do not like you fall into two categories: The stupid and the envious. The stupid will like you in five years time. The envious, never."-John Wilmot,The 2nd Earl of Rochester

"If ya'll are so happy where you've gone, shut up and be happy about it, and if ya'll were so miserable where ya came from, then put it out of your damn minds and get on with your lives like we've gotten on with ours." - Coach Diesel Burner-GCRG

"If people would spend half the energy they use being a jackass into the task at hand, they'd be flat unstoppable" - My Mom..

May the force be with you..

Short but Sweet.....Kinda Like me!!!!

2010-05-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

To be or not to be....FMDG....do I forgive and forget so to speak....or do I just get up and leave....Its not in my nature to just give up without a fight......especially if the fight is worth the scar it leaves behind.... for all who is not familiar with my situation at hand....long story short...March 6, 2010.... A cornered cat puts it best....my claws were out and a ref was scratched...(but no blood was shed)...but not before I asked for help....(Not before I went to the captain and the co-captain cant forget about the bench coach).....in the middle of the game while a referee was playing his own game.....and it was obvious....it was him against me....and he won....or did he really????

It takes two to fight....cause and effect if you may....What sucks is that this just doesn't affect me....it affects my whole league....I'm not one to take anyone down with me....I am the captain of my own circumstances you see.....so I am torn at the least....my heart says one thing and my brain says another.....my gut is all messed up and is the tie breaker......I made rollerderby a high priority in my life....now that's my own fault......my own down fall....but i will forever stand bi mine.....and am loyal to those who are loyal to me....and there happens to be more loyal to me than anyone can see and for that I thank thee......

So here I sit....my broken heart and I.....reviewing the night to the T.....I never said I was right.....but he never said he was in the wrong .....Suspension is what I serve.....topped with some defamation to my character....nothing new..... and he still skates on.....right is right and whats wrong is wrong....but yet only one serves the time.....now that's a little ucked fup......

So do I stay or do I leave ....I guess only time will tell.....we will see....but my morality is something that is not for sale.....never has and never will be....

Much Derby Love,
my derby sistas,
Karma......

2010-04-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

i'm still a bit sore - more my ego than my body - although it STILL SORTA HURTS TO CHEW CHEWY STUFF!! but it's not like we lost by a hundred points or anything..a mere 98 points! hah! nothin!
lost my shit a bit after the game. a year of a half worth of emotional stress and mental stress and physical stress and that regular stress, made some big crack spilled out as some yelling...real loud. i silenced a room, and then got really embarrassed, and then realised i need to take a break and address a few things.

so i'm taking a bit of a break until i feel like it.
that's the entirety of the plan.

i HAVE got a couple of awesome and SSRG complete tee shirt design images trying to get out of this image-maker skull of mine though. YES!

i didn't get to out-eat pancakes anyone after wards. sad face. i was upset. Ruby Footcrusher and i went home, with a bottle of wine (or was that...SEVERAL..?), sara-lee sticky date pudding, milo ice cream and some soul baring OH!

the fog of a weeks worth of fucking fucked upish and down and down and upish and down and down of depression is lifting.
i'm realising that i don't HAVE TO play rollerderby, i don't have to be at every single training and help in every single way i can and play every single bout and ignore most other facets of my life in order to keep that up. but i might still, but knowing that if we broke up, it wouldn't be the end of the world is giving me a sense of clarity that i haven't felt in a long time.
i still love you roller derby, i just need a bit of space, i feel like we're growing in different directions, it's not you, it's me...we can still be friends...xoxoxo sad, but hopeful and relieved face

The JackRabbit Knee Bendery Lesson

2010-04-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

Goal:Speed!!

We have always been told GET LOW! But why? I dunno. Just Do it.Nobody ever explained exactly WHY, we just were ordered to do it.. We always assumed it was to make ourselves smaller targets for blockers, like bullriders and bulls, skaters standing up are "more to gore", getting low never made any sense to me other than crouching down and looking like i'm hovering over a state park toilet trying not to make contact. I always looked at it the wrong way. When I got low, I simply stood up,paused for a sec and then skated off, it wasn't until Jackrabbit Slams explained to to me like this..

"When you stand up to skate, you mostly use your hip abductors (the muscles on the outside of the hip) and your ankles/calves (resulting in nasty-ass shin splints). While there's nothing wrong with these muscle groups, they're not as efficient for providing speed in relation to the effort expended.

When you crouch, your bent legs act as coiled springs, storing a lot of energy. you know how you crouch before you do a big jump? Exactly the same thing. when you kick out with that bent leg you give out a lot more power to propel you forward, because you're using your quads and other large muscles. While it hurts a damn lot to stay crouched for a long time, those muscles will build up fairly quickly and allow you to maintain the posture and speed for longer. This position is actually more efficient than standing up because it gives you more power in your kicks for the work expended.

So get down a little bit more than usual, dig into the track and LAUNCH yourself with a strong kick. Try this for a lap and see the difference."

Oh.. so now ima big ass spring ...

Ass Spring..

gonna eat more pancakes than yooooou

2010-04-22T15:32:00.000-07:00

bout#2 tomorrow! did i mention that we lost the last one? probably not at the time due to some pride thing, true though and fortunate, don't want to peak too early i say!
i'm all for losing, occasionally, it gives you a good kick up the arse. for example, if we hadn't lost the last game, there is a 94% chance that i wouldn't have been doing sit-ups while listening to coach talk in between drills at training on Monday, a 76% chance that i would have visited the bakery for pie yesterday when my boss got pie and filled the office with the smell of delicious pie and i'm not going to go into any percentages on the reason that i had cake for breakfast the day before yesterday, but let's just say there's probably a zero in there somewhere...yeah that's right.
apparently i don't get nervous anymore though, despite me freaking out about 6 months ago because i actually had the chance to think about it, now that i've gotten used to the size of our crowds and having time and space, nervousness is like some sort of thing reserved for...uh...something that i just don't seem to be doing right now. i'm still excited, i still want to kick the arse, but i already know how much of my behind will be on display, that the crowd really like the other team more than mine, oh how they will roar if little Rose or Cookie get me down and that even though i might think i'm going to lose the cool that i have the disillusion of possessing, i'm not very likely to.
so bring it on Liquorice Short Shorts and all your freekin cheering, cheering fans - bring it the fuck on! (and i can totally eat more pancakes than all of you combined afterwards anyway suckers....that's a good thing yeah? YEAH!)

Kick-Ass! the Guest Blog Spot by Jackrabbit Slams

2010-04-21T03:32:00.000-07:00

So, i've got alot going on with me this week, my Dad's in the hospital and being an only child, I get to make all the decisions..and I am suffering from sheer exhaustion..

So I turn things over to that giant rollergirl we all know and love,(besides me) Jackrabbit Slams.

KICK-ASSSSSSSSSSS!!!

fancy underpants over fancy tights. check.
nickname that describes exactly how badly you'll mess someone up. check.
outlandish hair and makeup. check.

what other sport would let you have a to-do list exactly like a justice-league wannabe
without laughing you off the court? Roller derby is an exceptional hybrid of sport and
spectacle, like hockey meets vaudeville in a mosh pit at a nascar rally. Jennie Finch can't
claim to be a genetically engineered supervixen without getting some weird looks from
people, and the Williams sisters would most likely lose a few endorsement deals if they
started wearing ripped fishnets and purple mohawks. Derby gives normally restrained girls a
chance to step out of the confines of their normal life, slip on a new identity, and rock out for
a few hours. Secret identities and alter-egoes are another side to the retinue of training,
practice and off-skates conditioning that usually gets more attention nowadays. As a total
nerd, I loved the character bios of skaters on my local league's website, and I often offered
to write them for girls who couldn't come up with their own. This is a unique sport, more raw
than professional wrestling, but far more over the top than rugby, lacrosse, field hockey or
football. It skates a beautiful, self-parodying line between theater and athletics, and I
wouldn't have it any other way. No matter how many decimal points WFTDA tacks on to
their ruleset, no matter how many girls choose to let the announcers stumble over their real
last names during intros, and no matter how many uniforms become simple jerseys and
running shorts, there will be other girls out there screenprinting naughty things on booty
shorts, applying too much eyeshadow in livid colors, and brawling it up for the hell of it--
willing to be the Kick-Ass to the "legit" girls' Captain America.

It Takes a Villiage to Raise a League......

2010-04-19T16:14:00.000-07:00

Rollerderby has its many pros and cons....its soley up to you and what you are willing to sacrifice.....is this just an expensive hobby....or are you working towards a goal.....as a new league my advice to you .....keep your line of communication open at all times......it really does take communication to make anything truly happen......

I have been lucky enough to be a part of some pretty amazing leagues throughout my derby career.....stretching from north Dakota to san Antonio Texas baby......the main problem that all have shared would be the lack of communication.....or the way they choose to communicate for that matter......communication is like a foundation of a house......without a strong and sound foundation its only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down......

In order to have a successful league you must welcome change....if the rules you established doesn't seem to be working.....change them up.....for you newer leagues don't be afraid to ask for help or guidance from a sister league .....don't stop at just one league ask as many as you possibly can.....you will find that you are welcomed with open arms.....

In creating your league you must create the rules and the regulations that everyone must follow.....now being on the many different leagues......they all had a few of the same problems.......one of them being "exceptions to the rules" now really ladies did you go through all that trouble of creating the rules just so you don't have to follow them....and if so don't be mad when others don't follow them either......remember you as a board member have a responsibility to implement the rules even if you don't agree with them.....your league is going to go through a ton of tests but if you just stick to the rules you will find there will be no lies for anyone to hide behind....if you don't follow your own rules how do you expect anyone else to......

This brings me to a phrase "power trip" don't act like y'all don't know...this includes the players as well as the refs........in my eyes this besides jealousy which i think goes hand and hand with power trips is one of the most ugliest things you will have to go through.....if you don't nip it in the bud it will only get worse.....i feel in order to have a successful league everyone should be on the same page....there should be no such thing as sides......if problems should arise and they will......fix them.......fix them together.....if there is a common goal ......everyone has the right to know about them......

Equality......you are no better than I.....I am no better than you ...no one should be judged on there skill levels.....everyone must follow the appropriate steps in order to participate...this also goes for the refs......if you take the time out to watch the RAT CITY rollergirls documentary they say it best....."the refs and volunteers and your venue are here to assist the league they are affiliated with"......not walk around with a god complex like they are above and beyond your league....mostly referring to the refs at this point.......you allow your refs to think they are above and beyond rules and regulations you will soon find trouble.....lets face it there the ones that can control "the bouts" if you allow them to think like that .....then don't be upset when they do it.......you need to remind them they are here for you and your league......not the other way around..... your leagues best interest should always be number one......let them know that y'all appreciate them for there sacrifices also but they also have rules they need to follow......a code of conduct if you may.......stop the power trips.......before it gets out of hand......

I would personally like to thank the refs that work with their leagues .....not against them......the refs that don't carry personal issues on the rink......the refs that have good intentions towards the bouts......the refs that help squash problems not cause them.......thank you thank you thank you ......not to mention the volunteers and the venues........it truly takes a village to raise a league........

jealousy's a great big MF

2010-04-15T06:47:00.001-07:00

jealousy is my LEAST FAVOURITE feeling. i'm aware of it, but can't control it. i know it's bad, but i can do very little about it, i HATE feeling not in control of myself and i feel all gnarled up and queasy inside like the bad guy looks in movies like Sin City and Lord of the Rings.
right now i'm jealous of another league in my dear city who are putting on a bout in the city tomorrow night, and not a half hour or forty five minute drive away in the sticks at all, like every other bout that's happened in Brisbane. in fact this bout is happening a TEN MINUTE WALK from my house. i could jog there to warm up, forget my mouthguard, jog back and still be kickin it convenience-wise.
it's a bit of a sore spot. they are going to have a massive crowd and all of my friends will go because it's not very far away and then everyone will love them more than me and my league and they will become the rulers of the known universe. so the more i think this out as to how i can describe it to other people, the less shit i feel about it, because it is all actually inconsequential to SSRG. it is just the natural competitive nature of a naturally competitive girl, right?
i would like though to be really, genuinely hoping that it goes really well for them, because part of me hopes that it doesn't and that makes me feel like an a-hole, i guess because it sort of makes me one. but i'm being honest. i could go on about histories and past bouts and a whole lot of bullshit about why my league should be the ones in the city getting all the attention, but none of it matters, and it pretty much all boils down to my angry little ego.

so with any luck when i make my Go Raspberry Bullets! and Go Bonnie Bang Bang! signs and put on my most uncomfortable shoes, which i can totally get away with on the TEN MINUTE WALK and resentfully pay my regular pleb ticket price and get in there with the rest of the crowd, the derby buzz will take over and i will scream "POWERJAM!!!" like the maniac that i am, and try to start Mexican waves and heckle the refs and walk out really fucking happy that i can now watch my favourite sport, comin' to me live, only a TEN MINUTE WALK away from my house - just as i should be

...they might wanna hope they don't run into me in the carpark afterwards though

...not that i'll be waiting...

I love my skates

2010-04-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

So as I go through my bag of derby goodies, skates, tape, pads, socks...I think to myself geez, this shit sure is old! My skates are falling apart and they are held together by hot pink duct tape. I need new laces because mine are all shredded. The toe guard is almost non-existant on the left foot which I deemed my "fuck you foot" because it's the foot I use to slide around and land on when I fall. and the smell is putrid! ha ha

I want new skates but I can't seem to bring myself to buy new ones...I don't know why. I don't know if it's the money, or the sentiment...(by the way Deb our team captain has skates and derby equipment for great prices so hit her up :) ) I love that my skates are old and beaten to a pulp! I couldn't bear to buy new skates and see them get ripped to shreds but at some point I guess I'm gonna have to.

Am I a creature of habit? Will I be on that Horders show?? I still have the same yucky mouthguard from over a year ago and I saw nice ones at Walmart for $3!!!! and I STILL didn't get it! If I can spend so much money on food, why can't I spare $3 for a mouthguard?? I have braces, so this should be important to me...weird...

blood, thunder, NZ, wine

2010-04-08T14:45:00.000-07:00

as the post-bout karaoke got better and better (worse and worse?) Cannibal Cookie summed it allllllll up "...i love roller derby, it's a worldwide network of people who don't give a fuck"

from the penalty box

i got friends all over the world now. there was this girl, let's call her "Maggie" she was over from the States, travelling around our big island nation in our far away hemisphere and she pops up in Brisbane town needing a place to stay and she get's one, for 2 weeks, wife included, cause she plays derby. oh it's a beautiful thing!
when i retire, i plan to travel the world being led by the invitations of the derby sorority. see how far that gets me. i would like to go to Spain and Japan.

(upon further investigation: Japan NEVER STOPPED playing roller derby! but maybe they ain't quite WFTDA though - a "roller derby Spain" search led to

a link to a dating site that was actually an ad for a flight centre...i think. due to my inherit lack of interest in researching anything i could end up freekin anywhere. joy!)

i went to NEW ZEALAND last week! Blood & Thunder 4 day training camp. i came back a new derby girl.

lower! LOWER!!!!

1 - i grew up in the country, nature girl here misses her trees but forgets to leave the city on a regular basis so that she can magically re-centre and energise just from seeing all the greenery - NZ is BEAUTIFUL.
2 - week off work - fucking HOORAY
3 - the skate rink was freekin 20 metres from the beach! fucking GLORIOUS
4 - i did a jump turn on a half pipe!!!!! (highlight of trip)
5 - oh and i got really good training from some really good coaches and players.

i realised that i've become pretty complacent skating with the same old crew every week. being a good derby player is hard work, but it gets to a

point where you are kinda going through the motions. being a kick-arse, other-derby-girl-impressin', game-changing, violent goddess of rolling shoes is not something you can sit around day-dreaming about if you ever hope to live it. i'm back on the intense train of pushing it after seeing some really impressive skaters.

i spent most of day 1 trying to figure out if Suzy Hotrod from Gotham was wearing some sort of butt-enhancer. no, she "works out". i started thinking that the training was mostly aimed at an intermediate sort of level, but for me (feeling a little advanced) i really got to solidify techniques and felt like a i got a lot of "icing on the cake" err so to speak. by which i mean, while i felt like a knew a lot of what was being taught already, there were all these teensy tips and tricks and strategies, that were i a newer skater, probably wouldn't have meant much, and all added up so that by the end, and back at SSRG scrimmage last night, i was brimming with derby education...oh no...it's getting all over the floor! i'm dripping the knowledge all over the kitchen guys, sorry, watch your step!

it's all a bit too mammoth to go into right here right now, but let me tell you: Quadzilla has cool as fuck gold-plated plates (oh and some okay moves i guess;), Carmen Getsome (also from Rat City) is an amazing derby machine. Head ref Hanging Chad (where's he from? i don't know) is the ultimate in knowledge, temperament and assurance.

aw, goodbye signing of the polka dot dress

morning after camp...
Ladykiller: how's you're groin?
Kinky Rinky: it hurts. how's your groin?
Ladykiller: it hurts
Rouge: it reeeally hurts when i cough! waaaaaaaaaaaah!

so me n Ladykiller n Kinky Rinky then drove across beautiful, but nauseating mountain ranges to hot springs to soak our tired bodies and then we found

a motel and drank delicious, delicious NZ wine......
guys...guys! FUCK! after this bottle...and the next bottle...we've only got like TWO more bottles!!!

In the MEAN Time....

2010-04-05T16:25:00.000-07:00

I look at today.......I try to remind myself on what happend in the yesturday..... constinitly working on not counting on tommarow.......trying my best not to drowned in my sorrows.....or hers for that matter......

See its ok to take a "trip" every once and a while.......just as long as you come back......Its not ok to deny the leasons of the past.......I think its alright when you just don't wanna fight anymore......pretty sure hiding behind your lies is not doing you or anybody any good......not that i am one to judge.........just one to observe the truth......

Its not fair.....well guess what its not a carnival either.....we need to get over it "soul sista"......you figure it out......its your battle but its my war......how does that work......no time to ask questions......just in-time to find the answers.....if you dare.....

In the MEAN time i will stand by mine......speak my peace.....and insert foot when needed......In the Mean time i will be loyal to myself......not worry about personal wealth.......green paper is so temporary.......i need to realize that i am wealthy in many other aspects of life.....In the Mean time i must obide by the signs if givin.....even if im spinning....

What would you do in your Mean time??? You keep telling me....there comes a time when words are just words....just what would you do in your Mean Time???? Tag- Now its your turn-

just a thought....
perhaps a little to ponder...
Much Derby Love
Karma: aka-Karmic Recall 911

Do it on all 4's!

2010-03-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

So did everyone hear that Ricky Martin is officially gay? I wasn't surprised...but he's still hott!! Wooo Livin La Vida Loca!

Anyways, so I was watching the Winter Olympics, Curling? a sport? really? Isn't that just a broom pushing a big hockey puck around?? I don't know, but did anyone check out speed skating? Holy Moly that is awesome! I can't possibly imagine how fast they go! I have fantasies of them teaching me their ways and jamming for our team and no one can touch me because I am too fast! WOO!

So I find it really amazing how many things you can do with 4 wheels under your feet...we can derby, figure skate, and apparently dance skate, and in some instances the skills stay for a long time!

My team and I went to the local skating rink on a rainy night and I'm skating trying to dodge all the little kids and they fall all over the place and I'm like trying to get past the lady that is about to fall on and crush her own child, then I see two men enter the rink and they start flying! I mean they are gliding around and dancing and moon walking and doing crazy dance skating moves...it was awesome! So skate session is over and these older ladies walk in all decked out in sequence and sparkles and tan tights and they start busting like triple axles and spinning fast and I was like woah!

I went for fun to a skate rink In Cerritos, CA and it was nothing but people dance skating, like the movie Roll Bounce with Lil' Bow Wow...I was embarassed! These broads can drop it like its hot and can skate like MO FO!!! they were like crip walking on skates and going super fast and popping their bootys and making out with a dude all on skates! 4 itty bitty wooden wheels... some glue them to their street shoes! It was totally rad and I was trying to recruit some of the girls but they were like break dancing on skates so it was hard to get a word in...

I just think it's so awesome what 4 wheels under my feet can do!

Looking for a team to join?
Join ME and the Renegade Rollergirls So Cal! email for info: destructo.dolly@gmail.com

Finding a balance in life and roller derby

2010-03-26T15:25:00.001-07:00

So I have said it before and I will say it again - my two favorite and most descriptively true roller derby quotes are "roller derby saved my soul" and "roller derby ruined my life."

It has consistently been hard for me to find a balance with roller derby and my life. Being in a league takes up a lot of time and energy, aside from the training to be a great athlete part; the meetings, the event planning, the endless volunteer work, it all takes time.

When I first joined the league I am in, five years ago, I suffocated myself within a year and a half. I was the head of the sponsorship committee, I was doing league work on my lunch breaks, and I was taking time off work during the middle of the week to do things like fly to Las Vegas for potential, yet non-wielding, sponsors. I was skating almost every day either at practice or outside, I wasn't eating right or taking vitamins and protein shakes, I wasn't getting enough sleep, I wasn't doing any cross training or injury prevention, and I hardly ever sat out or missed a practice or a beach skate simply because I was hurt or not feeling good.

And boy did I pay the price for being wreckless. An injury from a fall on a beach skate hospitalized me with staff infection. I had to have surgery and was on an IV for ten days, after which I spent three months having a home nurse come to my house and change my bandage as my leg healed. While all this was going on everything else in my life that I had been ignoring fell apart as well. I lost my job, my living situation fell through, a close family member died.

I ended up being MIA from derby for the next two years. I was still on the message boards and showed up at games now and then, and I was skating on my own at home, but I wasn't going to practice and I had lost touch with everyone. I was too busy trying to get the life that I had let fall apart, back in order.

In the end, everything happens for a reason. As I have worked to get my life back together, I was able to work roller derby into my life plan. I am back in touch with my league and on the teams that I have always wanted to be on. With my first game from both teams out of the way I am looking forward to the rest of this year. I just need to remember to continue to keep a balance between my life and roller derby, so that I never have to be MIA for two years again!

Kali Katt

Is there a Priest in the house?

2010-03-24T05:01:00.000-07:00

Seriously.. I think we need one.

I am Irish, and Catholic..and we Irish are fond of 3 things (use your imagination), in no particular order. Aside from that, we are also heavy into our religion, and our own moms have no problem laying a big dose of that repressed Irish Catholic guilt on us.

So that being said..I believe in signs, and sacred things, and curses..

Our rink needs a priest. Really. It is cursed.

Well just this one particular area on the floor.

I stood over it tonight after the latest lil spill and recited the only prayer that came to mind.
Was it a heart wrenching Our Father? Perhaps a somber Hail Mary? Nope..my prayer was part made up out of fear, and part of my love of the Boondock Saints. (That's some Irish Golden Cinema iffin ya don't know)

"Please Dear Beloved Rink floor, you are made of awesome and epic and win..Please don't eat me and sacrifice me to the skate deities like you have taken so many of my sisters before me..In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti"

And then I did the sign of the cross..seriously.

Yeah ima dork!

You think i'm jokin, right? WRONG!!!

Case in point..mock jam for TV, Boom Boom Pow falls and breaks her tailbone, Rearview just last practice fell and rolled a couple of times, there was a tense couple of minutes while we waited for her to get up... Sweet Asylum is down with a bad shoulder sprain, Booty Galore, Va Va Doom, & Vicious Trauma have fallen prey to that one area of rink floor numerous times, but lived to skate on.

Myself, I was skating along pretty good even for me, talking to Piretta, and just for no reason I fell flat on my face when I reached that area. Her response "Did you mean to do that or did you fall?" My retort.. "No Asshat...when do you ever see me purposely fall FLAT ON MY FACE?"

Tonight was no exception.Broken Halo took a hand to the nose hard in a jam,leaving her a bit dazed and definitely red nosed and probably bruised..same area of the rink... Lottie Dottie was skating along in a jam, and I can't even describe what she did, but needless to say, the rink was echoing with her tears and screams of pain. We now know she has broken the head of her fibula.

Same area in the floor.

Our fresh meat was practicing just a few feet away..you could see the fear in their eyes. I think it shook them worse than it shook Lottie.

We've examined the floor, it appears normal, nice and smooth, nothing sticking to the floor, no candy..no irregularities, our skates run across it smoothly..

Is it some rollergirl Bermuda Triangle, eating passing rollergirls?

Is it cursed? Does it need to be blessed? Exorcised?

That's where the priest comes in.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

Wow! I'm short.

2010-03-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

So idk if anyone's seen the hilarious picture of Sugar Crash (the site owner) and I...but it made me realize...there is some tall ass women out there! Maybe this sounds dumb but I seriously never thought girls were taller then 5'10!! The more I watch derby, the more I see all the height differences. Just an interesting observation.

I was in a bout with the San Diego Renegades and this girl had to be like 6 feet tall and I was literally having to jumping to try and bump her, I think if a tried to hip check her...I'd hit her knees haha.

Well, no point in this blog really other than just a funny obeservation from a 5 foot tall person.

A wish apon a star!!!!!!

2010-03-22T16:29:00.000-07:00

Although rollerderby has brought many possitive aspects to my life.......It has also brought out the negative......basic rule of life.........you can not have the good with out the bad....... my friends......its called balance......

Drama......The personal drama has to be the worst.....call it jelousy.....call it being pre judged......call it whatever you will......the worst part about it is when you have so many people in power and everyone has already pin pointed you out to be .........then its you against the world in the love of rollerderby.......

You try to put a larger amount (15-60 give or take) of females.....of strong willed females together and you sit back and watch what happens......its all part of the sport.....its the good and the bad.......but sometimes a person can only take so much disrespect before they completly loose it......

When i joined this sport 5 years ago i knew exactly what i was getting myself into......but i saw .....i see so much more than most......I saw a possibility to create a bond with people......a bond with others that sacrificed as much as you do in order to be involved in something so self seficiant......something so beautiful as rollerderby........

my wish is to find a team of females that share the same love as i do.......the same respect as me for this sport......and everything it stands for.......some equality would be nice......to concentrate on not segrigating a team.....the clicks will be eliminated.......and there shall be no sides....everyone is on the same page........focused on the bigger picture.....there would be absolutly no exceptions to the rules......no matter what.......we all follow the same rules .......no matter how long......no matter how good....no matter what......trust.....would have to be last but not least......trust like a sister would trust another sister with a pinky swear.........trust that is so unbrakable there would be no second guessing anything....

This is how i would like the world to view rollerderby....this is what i see....the possibility....a group of die hard athletes just making thier way across country.....doing what they love and loving what they do.......accepting the everything.......compromising along the way......only in knowing that it will all be worth something more...... one day.......

much derby love
karma

Some guys have a fear of commitment..

2010-03-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

They are the source of countless magazine articles, jokes, jabs and cry fests..we are taught by our mothers and gal pals how to avoid those wastes of our time.

You can't be in a relationship, where your doing all the work, constantly trying to make ends meet,and the other person doesn't feel the same way about you.

It's one sided.

You know where I'm going with this don't you? You see what I'm building to?

Derby girl wannabe's. They are just like guys with commitment issues.You do all the work. They let you down, they make promises they don't intend to keep....

I let my team pick my topic this week..this is what they chose.

Excuse me while I get up on my soapbox for a bit. (yeah so now I'm like 6ft8)

I've been told before, that everybody has a place in derby, even the girls that just wanna wear the cute clothes and promote, but don't want to skate. Now while I agree with that, what I don't agree with, is having a group of girls, who have their sweat equity in a team, drop their lives, leave their kids and their significant others at home 3 to 4 times a week to come together to form a cohesive team that kicks ass, be disrupted constantly by the girls with commitment issues.

Explanation? So you come to practice once a week instead of the 3 times we do. Or out of 3 weeks we see your smiling face 1 time, What does that do for us as a team? We learn to skate as a fluid unit, we learn each others movements and abilities. We are a solid team. Then you come in.. your out of shape, your winded, when you trip up you trip everybody else up. Honestly, it is a pure lack of courtesy and disrespect to your teammates. It is as if your saying "I can do whatever I want, I'm an entitled special snowflake." It's like your flipping the bird to our sacrifices away from our own family and personal life for this sport we call derby.

You cant show a pure lack of commitment, show up when you feel like it, be out of shape, screw everybody up and parade around in your jersey and say your a derby girl.That really makes you nothing but a casual skater who happens to have one of our shirts. That makes you a fan. Not a derby girl.

While we all understand family takes priority, it's hard to take someone seriously when their MySpace and Facebook statuses for weeks and days go on about their exploits, and when their having the time of their lives or being comical while we all are busting our asses then stroll in for one practice and bitch about how hard it is, sorry doll, it's hard to feel pity for you.

We don't have time for it, and we don't need it. Join Curves for Women if your fond of female sport interaction in a circular pattern, not derby.

You have to ask yourself..is this what I want in my life? Is this what I want for myself? Because derby isn't just about putting on the skates and the jersey and sneering in front of a camera. It's also about committing yourself to off skate endurance training, good eating habits, and for hell and be damned SHOW UP TO PRACTICE!!

If you can do all of these things, and you decide to make that sort of inner sacrifice and inner commitment, then your ready to be an effective player for your team. For me, on my last team the last 3 months, I never wore my jersey. I made every practice, But never wore my jersey. I wasn't committed to them anymore, and I felt I didn't deserve to wear that jersey. ( I guess that was my own way of telling myself it's time to roll out, just didn't listen.) Now, I wear a version of a GCRG T-shirt/jersey EVERYWHERE. I got out of shape because I lacked commitment when I left my other team. Now I watch what I eat, and I'm trying to get back into a regimented workout program.

Why?

Because I don't want to be a wannabe.. I wanna be that back wall of a blocker your not gonna get past..Once I honestly asked myself the question of "How would my life be without derby" I was not pleased with the answer.. I reached a level of inner commitment, that frankly, is kicking my ass. Sometimes, like tonight, I wonder what the hell have I gotten myself into? My coach discovered the secret to my excessively slow skating. I always assumed it was my fear of falling because I injured myself. No. I fall all the time without pads and I think it's funny.
My problem is it takes me way longer than 3 seconds to get back up. I'm like a big knuckled clumsy gorilla. So I skate slow so I wont fall, and nobody will see me McGilla Gorilla it.So as everybody else enjoyed their sprints and queen of the rink and jams and such tonight, I spent the entire practice going up and down the side of the rink throwing myself down, and getting back up. Did I cry? Yes, Because my leg muscles hated me. Would it have been way easier to say screw this, and just be a ref who doesn't have to skate fast? Yes. So why didn't I give up? Because I am committed to being valuable to my team. I am committed to myself. I will be there every practice. Even though the apparent plan is for me to be throwing myself down for the next 2 weeks...I will be there.

It frikkin SUCKS!!!

But, I won't bitch about it, I will suck it up and put on my big girl booty shorts..because this is a commitment I am determined to see through.

And judging by the topic my team mates were so adamant I blog about today, I am not the only one with a rock solid commitment to derby and this team..

"There is no glory in practice, but without practice there is no glory."

BUT YOU GET NO GLORY AT ALL IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP !!!!

(This is a universal problem that spans all derby teams. It's not singling any one particular person out on my team per se, but it is meant as a blanket statement, a reality slap if you will, to anybody who shows up when they feel like it..your doing your team no good. There is no I in Team.)

Things that make you go HMMMMM........

2010-03-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

I am more than ok with what I have and haven't done in my life ...today.......
You may never see what I see.....that.......is something I just can't teach!!!Yet I have learned so many things to pass on.......forgive and forget..... now thats just bull.......you may forgive but you should never forget........You will only forget yourself in the process.....
The more fire you play with......the more you tend to get burned......learned that one many scars down this crazy road of life......
Play the game or be played this is what I like to refer to as "reality" in the same breath......"money isn't everything" contridicting as it may seem but again all a part of "reality".......
Love is what you make it....."it" meaning all the drama and bull.......Its so much more........more than any words could ever explain........so much beyond just "making it"
Ignorance is bliss...........is it really.......The truth lies in the eye of the beholder......what if the beholder was born with out eyes........the truth is far beyond just eyes.........pay attention to the signs and you'll see.........
Illusion always causes confusion.....but your intuition will never change.....have faith in yourself and everything fake will be erased!!!!!
Believe it and it shall be.......nothing wrong with chasing your dreams.............Must not forget about the fight........what ever fight that may be..........choose your battles wisley my friends.....be aware of the scars left in the end........
Stop and smell the roses......you may not get another chance.......lets face it tomarrow is not promised........and as far as time goes..............time doesn't owe you a thing..........regret the things you didn't do...not the things you have already been thro.........
Strong believer in taking a chance..........save the last dance so to speak........Last but not least.....one of my main goals in my life was to always be remembered....but that has changed.....I will accept nothing less than unforgetable......when they speak my name!!!!

Much Derby Love
Karma

ugh

2010-03-11T18:42:00.000-08:00

bad week.
bad week, but good header, yeh?
later...this is all getting a bit too personal. tune in quick before i realise how much this is actually should just start with - Dear Diary, i really hope no one ever finds the key to you and reads all this stuff that i only tell you, because you will never judge me, right? - and delete everything except the bad week bit...
i saw Dinosaur Jr a few nights ago - they were more rockin than i was anticipating and J Mascis, more understated than i thought a rock star could ever get - the very reason i like the band. the one line i've sung since i remember- you know the song line where you're all "oh fuck - strum my freekin pain why don't you - it's like they reached into my god damn soul for those lyrics OH!"; i feel the pain of everyone, and then i feel nothing. not exactly the cup runnething over with the heady floral arrangement of emotion that others might consider the deepest reflection of their soul, but it describes the way i run. right now i feel nothing. nothing at all.
first bout of the SSRG season in 1 sleeps time...
i'm going in as not-captain. i'm going to try to keep my mouth shut and my head in check, not too much swearing at the other team. i'm worried that not being in a position of responsibility will give me the long leash to finally totally lose my shit (punch someone/anyone in the face right now? don't mind if i do). but probably not. i'm going to be in my usual quietly confident Liquorice Short Shorts are going to seep blood from the pores of their skin as soon as they fall under my gaze self, by whistle-blow, but right now...fuck...nothing. maybe some weird angry violent urges. i need sex.
UGH! stupid not heeding own advice

In the grand scheme of life..

2010-03-10T03:37:00.000-08:00

...some stuff just doesn't matter..

Ever..

I am gonna sorta follow Karma's lead, and go somewhat off topic. I admire her for having the cajones to do so..

I am going to answer a few questions about myself..that people have asked, and put to bed a few issues.

You've read my blog about me coming from another team, I did..why am I not there anymore?

Derby Drama.. plain and simple.

We all know it, we've all seen it, we have all experienced it. It sucks. It hurts, and it's counterproductive and usually filled with BS, and causes ill will between all sides involved,even long after it's over.

So what happened between me and that other team?

I was Terminated.

There, I said it... Terminated.

That's a hella big mouthful for me to say, I assure you.

The things I will say next, may be difficult for some people to read, or even learn about me, because many of you only knew me from the derby world,some post termination, so they were never privy to the details of my life and how I EXACTLY came to the derby life, just the abridged version, others have known me since I was small, and I never showed them that side of me. I kept it hidden. My inner turmoil was my own.

When I left that team, I said everything I was ever thinking, about everything, no matter the subject. I sounded like a lunatic.
But I had to get it off my chest, because holding it in for over a year, over every frikkin incident after stupid nitpicked inconsequential incident....it had built up and was making me hella bitter

But I sat in the shower not that long ago and had an epiphany of sorts, an absolution, if you will.

As I sat there, scalding water pelting my skin, steam taking my breath away. I realized, I am ok. I survived. I lived, it all made me stronger, and it just doesn't matter. It's all stupid. Your 36 years old. Who really cares?

I am ok with everything that went on with my first team.

Really.

Sure, it tore me to pieces then...but lets examine things.. shall we?

I was one effed up individual then.. Jarred had only been dead for less than 3 months. That exceptional child I adored,who had become my third child,and in turn, by befriending, and then later becoming a brother to my own natural son, he helped save my son from himself.You see, my son was on a bad path of self destruction due to his own emotional issues of bipolar, manic depression, ADHD and schizo affective disorder, the boy's relationship with each other had such a positive effect on my son, he was functioning normally in public school...I saw that Jarred become a statistic when I witnessed him pulled from the river that hot summer day. Everyone worried that my son would revert. He grew up, I think because his innocence was lost that day somewhere on the shore,however, to an extent..I think I lost a bit of my own sanity for a time being. It was shrouded in a thick veil of grief and sorrow and blame. Had he just been with me that day at the movies, everything would still be ok. I was standing at an abyss. I had lost alot of weight from simply not eating. I was trying to be like a rabbit.I was trying to will myself to die. A rabbit is the only animal that can do so. True Fact.

I was close to taking my own life many times. I lacked the courage and fortitude to do so. The grief was overwhelming. It was consuming.It was also incredibly selfish of me.

I joined that team, at my lowest point, emotionally and physically.As I have said before in my blog, (in case you forget,lol), Derby can break you, it damn near broke me. I held on to it for longer than I should, because I thought I needed it. I put up with more crap than I should, I went against my morals, principles, and ethics, the very way I was raised because I thought if I let it go, I would go back to that girl who wanted to take her own life over the loss of a child so dear to me. I would be back in the abyss. While I loved what derby stood for, the torment from the drama wasn't worth it anymore. I didn't like who I was anymore. I hated what I had become.

In life however, I never found my happy medium. I went from being a berserker, seriously, I would go off on you for looking at me wrong, that's before Jarred died (that's the bully I use to be, that I keep telling my girls about, and nobody seems to believe me..lol).. to being a whiny, crying, sobbing mess at the drop of a hat after he died. I never smiled at anything, never enjoyed life's simple pleasures anymore. Death makes you weird,I literally cried over everything,throw in normal derby drama, I took everything personally, and for me it was the end of the world, whereas before, anything I took personally then, ida went street rat crazy on you, and damned the repercussions. I blew it off, and whatever that person thought about it at the time..

But, now.. I really and truly am OK with everything.. I can say that with absolute honesty and clarity.

Why act like that? Why continue to subject myself to arguing and finger pointing and normal derby drama, it was pointless..why continue to make myself sick on a regular basis.Jarred wouldn't want me to live my life like this. He loved life, and being happy, and those around him. My husband use to beg me to give up derby, just smile again, just be happy..

I use to walk in that rink and instantly get sick. I wanted to either crap myself or throw up, I was more worried about being in trouble for stupid stuff,or what somebody decided they wanted to nitpick about this week, than my skating. I couldn't live like that anymore. I was going to quit anyway, literally, the day I was terminated, I slept until 5 minutes before I was to leave before practice, rolled over, looked at the clock and said "why bother, why make yourself more miserable" but my stubborn streak kicked in and I decided I would resign, not just be a call in quitter. I was terminated before I got that chance. I just wish it would have been on my own terms..The way they went about it is what pissed me off. What made me bitter, made me dwell on it.

But i'm not gonna point fingers, i'm not gonna rehash every single thing that ever went on in the course of a year.We don't have that much room here, and if we went to finger pointing, i'd have to point fingers in all different directions, including myself,it wouldn't be copacetic.

You never ever forget anyone you completely destroy, conversely, you never ever forget anyone who attempts to completely destroy you. But you learn from it.You can take 1 of 2 paths in life after a lesson like that, you can become bitter and embroiled, or you can become a compassionate, giving human being.

When I first founded GCRG, I did so for my love of derby, but it became apparent that was not an ideal situation, and we left that rink, due to very similar situations/personalities as my first team.When we started at our second rink, I was still shell shocked, still scared, still closed off to my girls. I suspected everybody of everything. It was all I knew of derby..that everyone was a suspect..

I think the first derby person who got through to me, had her work cut out for her. I love her for that, and I owe her quite a bit,nothing you can place a monetary value on, but through her friendship she has renewed my faith in the goodness of people.I started opening my eyes to people in general and saw nothing but good, hardworking honest to goodness friends surrounding me.I stopped warily looking at everybody through the peepholes of the protective walls I had built up around myself.
I gave up,I gave up trying to be guarded, and reserved and I gave up my bitterness.
But,I didn't "give up" per se,I just realized I don't need certain people and their crap and drama in my life anymore.

I gave up on them.

Because I forgave them,and I forgave myself for being an idiot and acting like a moron. I stopped beating myself up over everything, and just let it go. You can't come to terms with what you don't understand.
I've forgiven and worked past every crap thing that went on there,and every crap thing I said in response.

(Sometimes life just feels like endless repetitions of High School)

Because they were a stepping stone, without everything I learned there, I wouldn't be an effective and efficient Owner.

Because they made me stronger,I see now that not only do I have worth, I recognize the girls who are coming in to our program who have struggles and am better able to be there for them.

Because as I have said before,you should never regret anything, because it's exactly what you want at the time.

Had I not put up with the pain of all that loss and misery, I wouldn't be who I am now, with the friends and love and support I have surrounding me.

I don't cry anymore. Not over derby anyway.

I don't second guess anything about myself anymore.Except what stupid thing to wear, and maybe why my feet are independent of my brain.More importantly, I don't second guess my friends and their motives.

I treat my girls,my dearest friends, with compassion,and as equals. As I have said before, and will continue to say,you don't know what battles they are fighting in life, away from the rink. You may need them to lean on yourself someday, it sucks if you get knocked off your high horse, and you can't go back for help because you burned the bridge behind you.

I don't spend all my time in the bar anymore, partyin' hard and heavy trying to drown away my pain and grief. It only makes what ever demons your trying to hide from, all the more determined to get you.

So, in every sense of the words,I really have put it behind me. They made me more determined,the tears dried up, I have great girls I skate with now,had I stayed for more misery,i'd be still crying,still sick all the time,and I would never have the opportunity I have now to own my own rink. My man says "you found your smile again.." Had I stayed, I may not ever have found it.

I ran into one of the girls from my old team a few days ago. She said to me as she hugged me "It's good to see you happy, with a smile, cause your really scary when your unhappy..you radiate evil."

I literally had to bark laugh at that..

So to my first team..I thank you for everything you've helped shaped me to become now. To quote the song "Makes me that much stronger,makes me work that much harder, makes me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a fighter"

Do I want ya'll to succeed?

Yes I do...

Yeah I know what I said when I left, but that was then,this is now. Because if ya'll succeed,then we succeed,it means derby has a place in this area.

You've worked and trained hard, you deserve success.

Good luck in your season opener ladies...

You girls will rock it..I just know it.

So in conclusion,

I survived, not just my first team experience, but losing Jarred at the bottom of the river, and damn near losing my freaking mind with grief,I am all the better for it. I learned to function again,I am strong, stronger than I even knew, I think.

Everybody else..I leave you with something found written on Jarred's wall the day after he died..

"Smile..your alive!!"

UH! BLOCK THE JAM!

2010-03-09T10:29:00.001-08:00

My experience in derby has been primarily as a blocker. I think i'm better at it then jamming. I really like working with the pack to block up the jammer, it's so much fun. If I try jamming, it's like my heart is gonna pop out of my chest! I don't know if it's because of excitement, panic, or being out of shape lol. I love being a blocker because it's exciting to take someone down and laugh about it with eachother as we get back up from the ground. In my experience as a rollergirl, it's always been a friendly game where we take eachother out and give a lil spank on the ass, a lil wrestling around and we're back to our objective which is score points or prevent points from being scored.

I gotta give credit to jammers though! DAMN GIRLS! there are 5 chicks gunning it toward you and if your blockers don't have your back, you are on your own! It's a tough and very important role. Although if it weren't for the blockers, some jammers would be roadkill. If you don't have good blockers, then you leave your jammer defenseless, and if your jammer is crazy fast, one good solid hip check can send them flying because of the momentum. Blockers can be pretty amazing! They have to multi-task to get the jammer through the pack WHILE blocking anyone trying to block your up your jammer, you're having to whip your jammer, block the chick coming after her amd then block the opposing team's jammer.

Everyone is important to eachother's sucess in the bout, and ... it's a fun, rewarding experience that will stick with you for a lifetime. Something to tell the grand-kids one day, so take plenty of pictures of your hey-day as a rollergirl!

xoxo,
-Destructo Dolly

Looking for a team to join? Hit up www.renegaderollergirlssocal.com for info!

Suff-Her the Consequence

2010-03-08T10:36:00.000-08:00

My word is all I have......my pride stands by my side and my pure Passion fuels the fire of my desire.....all this combined equals a very misunderstood player......my passion is mistaken for anger on a daily......I have fought all my life not to let all the "numb" $h!* get the best of me......

March 6th, 2010......another sold out event for FMDG.......1700 fans in the stands but nobody truly knowing what to do........Pick your battles wisely....well this one picked me.......I choose to follow through.....it was beyond you .....beyond me.......Now I will never kiss and tell.....names are not important.......Its the mistake I made that you as a skater can learn from.......

A little bit of passion ok maybe alot.....add a power trip....4 visits to the penalty box and one statement Karmic Recall 911 your outta here......I snapped.......seconds later 4 of my top blockers were on top.......one scared ref on the bottom....... and me stuck in the middle of my pride and passion.......equalled one fine disaster......

no matter what ladies.....what is said .....what is done........don't ever loose your cool.....cause no matter the story........or situation........in the end who's gonna look like the fool?????

I stand by mine.....and everything I believe........I am the responsible party so now i must bleed......I will take my punishment .......for i caused this disaster .....I'm not the only one who is affected ........but also remind your volunteers.......your zebras.....anyone who is pimping out your team t-shirt that its not only the skater that is representing your league....... it is all who is involved .......now 2 wrongs don't make aright and nothing .....i mean nothing on the rink is worth that fight!!!!!!!

I'm not proud of my mistake ....(that's probably why its called a mistake right).....nor am I ashamed........remember in the end all you have is your name!!!!

I would like to send out a personal apology for any inconvenience that this has caused to my league........and to my fans.......This was by far intentional ......I am facing discipline actions as we speak........I would also like to ask anyone that is from Fargo or went to this particular bout......Please have the courtesy to leave the names out!!!!!!! T H A N K S

Much Derby Love
Karma

in the middle

2010-03-04T15:20:00.000-08:00

ummmmmmmmmm
the only thing i can write about right now is what i am in the middle of. i haven't had much sleep this week. i'm in the middle of tying up the last few details for the SSRG gig we are putting on tomorrow night to party in the new season. i accidentally booked a band from the US on monday, cause a festival got cancelled and they were wandering around not knowing what to do with their saturday night, i'm sure. no big deal for you guys over there, but australia is very far away from other places, and i haven't done this before. seem to like a challenge though, "thrive on it" - the stress the low, the high, the super-tension - as Ruby Ribcrusher put it. it's all tunnel vision from when i decide on the crazy scheme until it's over. just little windows of light every now and then from the people who are in it with me.
i am in the middle of making sure our first bout, in a weeks time, comes together.
i'm in the middle of insomnia week.
in the middle of ch-ch-changing again.
in the middle of another unproductive stage of pre-event pulling-off.
still on the outside of why i put mental blocks on myself for getting some things done.
maybe there would be no brakes otherwise and i would never even slow down.
i am again, in the middle of the realisation that asking for help needs to be done, needs to be done before you need the help. one day that one will sink in.
i am in the middle of the fantasy of just turning up and skating - always want want we can't have.
oh! now i'm in the middle of licking the butter and honey residue off my breakfast plate.
i'm in the middle of thinking of things that i would request on my rider if i was in a band (green textas and sumo suits)
now i'm in the middle of thinking i really need to get my shortlist of Things To Do on the 5th of March (it ends with pleasure, don't worry) out of the way, so that i can go to work and make that money i apparently need to survive and buy new wheels with.
in the middle of the lunacy, the ridiculum, that is The Red Death Show.
come to the freekin Zoo for Nashville Pussy, Gentle Ben + Sensitive Side, Medicine Show + lil Sue Ray tomorrow night.
are we allowed to plug?
TOO LATE SUCKERS!!
roooooooooooooooooooooooouge

I think i'm off...

2010-03-03T04:52:00.001-08:00

'cause last weeks blog was pretty much about what everybody is talkin' about this week.

In a manner of speaking.

Anyway.

So all this talk of rainbows, has me wondering, how do we combine all these colors of the rainbow successfully, without all the colors turning into the lovely color of mud.

Goes back to last weeks subject, respect, but it also goes deeper than that.

True, as Dolly and Karma have said before me, derby takes all sorts, I want to elaborate on that a bit.

It takes all sorts emotionally, socially, intellectually, as well as physically to make up a good solid strong team.

We have the really beautiful girls, we have heavy girls we have slow skating girls, we have girls who struggle, we have girls who kick ass. We have the girls who just wanna wear the cool clothes but not really do much else.I think I am the only one who looks like a derby freak..heh..

All of these girls have a place with us. Every last one of them..derby is not just about the skating, it's about so much more..it's a huge production, with many "stagehands" needed..

But, with anything.. communication is key, respect is a must.

If you don't understand something.. communicate. If someone has hurt your feelings, communicate.If you need more time to master something, open your mouth....but do it in a respectful manner..as you would wish to be treated..

For GCRG, we stress to each and everyone of our girls, right when they come in for newbie orientation "derby is hard, derby can break you...I can't tell you how many times I have left practice in tears and swore I would never come back..but I always did..and once derby is in your blood.. you will always come back as well.. and we want you back..you have a home here with us.. this is your family, these are your derby sisters"

We have girls who are super emotional.. we have girls who cry, (I use to do it alot when I was on my first team..while I dried it up, I know how hard it is for them to come in and face people you don't know, and feel you are made entirely of suck.. so that's when the tears start flowing.) We have girls who are our motivators..we have our shy withdrawn ones...as I said, it literally takes all kinds, emotionally, socially, intellectually and physically.

But I am getting off task, so I will leave you with something I want you to ponder..

Not everybody was raised the same, not everybody has a "filter" on their mouth and on their brain, most times that filter comes with age, some of us are in tip top shape, some of us are old fat mommies. Some of us are slow, some of us are fast,some of us look like we need a sandwich, some of us are chunky monkeys...some of us are poor..some of us have money..but not one of us is better than anyone else. Some of us just may not be living up to our full potential. If you see that person that isn't, help them.. don't dismiss them, don't make assumptions about them, or talk about them.. they are your derby sisters, outside of the rink, you have no idea what kind of battle they are fighting in life..so don't make the rink another war zone for them...

Listen to them not only with your ears, but with your head, and with your heart..

Derby doesn't Judge

2010-03-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

I find the most appealing thing about derby is that anyone that has the desire to do it can do it. As long as you want to try, you can do it. Roller Derby is a rainbow of different shapes and colors and it's a beautiful thing to see. Roller derby doesn't care about your sexual preference, your wieght, your height, your color, your age, religion, political views or the money in your pocket. If you can and want to do it, then you're in! It's that simple.

I was always a very athletic girl throughout high school and the first 2 years of college. Like I said in a prior blog, I gained 40 pounds after! OMG!! So after that, I felt like I'm done for, I'm huge, I feel like a baluga whale, I just ate an entire pizza, I get tired going up a flight of stairs, I can't even tie my shoe without feeling all out of breath...you get the idea, I felt like I couldn't be active because I felt that my body just wouldn't let me, one jumping jack and i'm ready to quit. When I ran into derby, I noticed that as long as you can skate, you can play derby, the rest just comes to you with practice. I have to say, after the initial back pain went away from not using ANY muscle in my body for a few years, I was impressed with myself. Not only was I actually sticking to some type of "fitness" regime, I wasn't too bad at it either and it's shit loads of fun!

In my derby experience, i've grown to understand that inner strength is much more important then physical strength. If you have the drive and determination, you can most definately rock the rink!

In a society where we are judged on a daily basis for so many things, or when we see the beautiful celebrities with perfect bodies and we judge ourselves, It is refreshing that in all that, roller derby has never judged you. In the eyes of roller derby, we are all beautiful and strong!

I believe Karma said it best "ALL IS WELCOME...... and to be able to say that or be a part of that is to be a part of true history......" I totally dig that! Derby for me has been an array of open arms and helping hands along the way! It's given me inner and outer strength and confidence in myself I didn't have for a long time. I've gained friends, sisters and skills that I wouldn't have if it weren't for roller derby. Roller Girls are eclectic, we are all different...we have different careers, families, interests, some are punk, goth, girls next door, career women, mothers, grandmothers, rocker chicks, skater chicks, betties, jocks, cholas, you name it! and the best part is, it reallly doesn't matter because that is what makes roller derby so unique...we all come together to play this awesome sport!
Roller derby means something to everyone playing, otherwise we wouldn't be putting ourselves out there for nothing.

I love this rainbow of women and that pot of gold at the end called roller derby...

That's all for today folks!
Loves & Shoves,
Destructo Dolly

-Looking for a team to join? hit up www.renegaderollergirlssocal.com for info!

Embrace The Rainbow

2010-03-01T07:05:00.000-08:00

All my life have I been in search of equality.....in appreciation for all living and breathing beings......the day that size, race, or appearance is not what we choose to judge an individual on.....we as society have been brain washed into thinking that those models in magazines is what is considered "beautiful"...... and if you are not that .......or you did not wear a certain brand of clothing or shoes......we were nothing......all i can say.....is take a good look at me now world.......take a good look at my fellow derby girls......we are and am and always have been beautiful.....and now we are taking over the world.......derby style baby.....so thank you .......for fueling my fire and making me to be the best derby girl i can be......

One of the many reasons I fell in love with rollerderby.......with roller girls..... is because this is one sport that all those superficial things don't play a part.....you don't have to be a giant (NBA)..... you don't have to be able to hit a ball far (MLB).......you don't have to be ripped (NFL/WWF).....I'm pretty sure you get my point.......

I remember thinking to myself what a beautiful opportunity to represent all shapes ....all sizes......everyone being there own individual.....I need to be a part of this phenomenon......this is definitely where i belong........it is the first time in my life i feel i belong....i have many things that i can thank for rollerderby has played such a big role in my life ......it has taught me very important things in my life.....and i can also thank myself because it takes massive commitment to go far in derby........

I have and am judged on a daily basis......i would like to call it being misunderstood on a daily........but this sport is for the misunderstood......its for the moms that need to release.....its for the doctor that doesn't know how to let go of the day..... its my therapy.......I have sacrificed many important things in my life for rollerderby....... but i have considered it to be an investment......its a family that i have longed for all my life ......and i know in my heart that i am not doing all this for nothing .......that i did not leave my family for a pipe dream........that i did not leave my friends just to be........I am totally a slave to the rainbow that is considered rollerderby......to the equality that i have been able to be lucky enough to be a part of........with out all the sizes and colors of the rainbow .......rollerderby would just be another sport......that is what makes us different from every other sport.......ALL IS WELCOME...... and to be able to say that or be a part of that is to be a part of true history......

Much Derby Love
Karma-

Respect is simply one of many lessons learned while playing roller derby

2010-03-01T01:39:00.000-08:00

Roller derby has made me a better person in many ways, and one of those ways is constantly reminding me that I need to respect ... everything, always. I need to respect my league, my fellow team mates, my coaches, my refs, my fans, the game, my equipment, my body, my health, my time, my life. If I stop respecting any one of those things this awesome thing called roller derby becomes not so much fun anymore, as other things get in the way.

I make sure to constantly check myself and make sure I am respecting all of this, because it all so awesome, and nothing lasts forever!!

Kali Katt

the non-derby populace

2010-02-25T17:33:00.001-08:00

respect your non-derby friends or you will lose them.
ease them in. introduce them to one derby girl at a time; make sure you sometimes bring up other topics
that they might like to talk about.
teach them rules of play one at a time by using examples from real life. for instance, you are out dancing..."this is so just like in derby! bumping arses is pretty fun...but i guess punching you in the face right now probably wouldn't be that cool, hey?" it's amazing how you can draw comparisons between almost anything and derby.
only go in for the hug after a bout if they move in first - they're used to seeing you really sweaty, they might not realise just how moist you are and being that it's a saturday night, they'll probably be wanting to go out and pick up afterwards. good friends don't drench friends in their heady scent and ruin their chances with the opposite/same sex.
don't invite your non-derby friends over for "dinner" and serve up protein bars and gatorade and kick them out after 6 minutes because that's how long you usually get for that particular activity.
the non-derby population doesn't necessarily regard punching each other in the boobs as a great way to end a night, test the waters first with a cheeky side-boob pinch and gauge their reaction before going in for the king hit.
lovers sometimes like to be regarded as more than just a bit of a thigh workout in between training sessions. included things like "i care about your feelings..." before "but get back down on the bed!" and "i really like the way your eyes reflect the loveliness of your soul..." before "...maybe if you strengthened your core a little, we could do it from this angle".
respect is a two way street and if you want your regular, softcore friends to respect your new lifestyle choice, it's the little things that count and the time you spend sharing quality time together which doesn't include you having them do hardness tests on your thighs, but showing them that you care about their interests as well, by having extensive conversations about handbags and shoes.

ROUGE IT OR LOSE IT!!!

Doin' some old fashioned book judgin'..

2010-02-24T04:56:00.000-08:00

Respect of a different sort..

I am gonna talk about respect as well..but in a different vein than what my blog sisters before me talked about.

I'm gonna talk about the respect non derby people do, or do not give us.. for what ever reason. But it mostly applies to my fellow derby sisters around the world who choose to make themselves stand out with their apperance..in whatever way they choose..

It's about respect, but to an extent it's also about a form of being biased.. a "racism" of sort. Or having an elitist attitude.

There is an old adage about not judging a book by it's cover. Most people have their mind made up about you upon the first 60 seconds of meeting you. So to that, my mother always said "you never get a second chance to make a first impression."

Screw that.

You also only have one life to live, so may as well live it making YOURSELF happy, instead of trying to spend it preparing for a neverending cycle of possible first impressions.

The first team I was on, was filled with what you expect derby girls to look like. Tattoo's, piercings, weird haircolors, gauged ears..funky clothes.

And when we ventured out of our "area" we got "the look"

You know the look...the plastics give it..like "omg, lower income people who spend all their money on trashy things, I MUST grasp my purse tightly and look nervously around."

I don't think the girls I was with at the time ever noticed it, they were used to it. I noticed it because I had the inner freak, but I always tried to conform..I have over 25 tattoos, most were hidden, upteen hidden body piercings, although my lebret had been pierced since 2000. I was fairly normal looking..

But even then.. when I first got my piercing, people stared, avoided eye contact. I even have a dear friend of mine now.. who then didnt know me, sit in her car in fear staring at me because of the piercing and my size.

Once she talked to me, she looked at her daughter and said, right in front of me.. "Look Heather, she is really nice, and smart too!"

Now, I have my septum done, my nose, my lebret,rook, tragus..had my eyebrows done numerous times, they always reject..and now I have very obvious tattoo's on my arms..and my hair is pink.

I get it all the time.."Derby freak"..they assume it all means I am poorly educated, shifty, can't keep a job.. just a n'er do well..

Because we choose to make ourselves happy.. and because we don't look like everybody else..

On the contrary..I have a degree, I have a job, i'm fluent in 4 languages passable in a 5th...I just happen to look like a weirdo...

The moral of the story...derby girls have originality..individuality..just because we don't look like everybody else, doesn't mean we are all miscreants..give us enough respect to find out who we are, and what we are about before you just dismiss us..

You might just be missing someone who can bring something fantastic to your life underneath all those tattoo's and metal and haircolor and fantastic weirdness...

Respect.

Respect for our personal choices...

Respect that not everybody is the same....

Respect that maybe our "book" has a far different cover than yours.. it doesn't bring our "face value" down at all..

Respect.

GOT TO GIVE IT TO GET IT

2010-02-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

So Karma chose Respect :) Let's go with it...
I get this question a alot when I am trying to recruit girls or just bring awareness about the sport..."If it's no rules, do you punch eachother in the face? or do you kick eachother in the face?" My answer is always the same, in my experience playing roller derby on my team, we don't hit in the face as part of our game ya know? All of us have lives to go back to after, some of us have kids that we need to be an example to, some of us have to be back at work on Monday morning and out of RESPECT, I wouldn't hit anyone in the face because I wouldn't want to be hit right back lol.
I have respect for anyone who steps foot and at least tries to play roller derby and I admire each person out there bouting.
I went to a Renegade bout over the weekend and it was awesome! I saw the ROLLER DERBY VIXEN herself, Sugar Crash kicking ass out there! It was an awesome bout...and I observed the respect that these ladies have for eachother. It's always cool to see when girls scuffle with eachother and help eachother up or give eachother a high five after! Now that's respect!

R E S P E C T

2010-02-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

So i have been impatiently waiting for our topic of the week......haven't received any e mail or maybe i missed it so i have come up with the fun topic of RESPECT.... respect to me is everything.........it can be the difference between a good team to a great team........ Respect is either ingrained in us or ignored.......in order to receive respect you must give it......very similar to "in order to be a leader,,, you must first learn how to follow".....

Respect is a huge aspect of any sport and rollerderby being no exception...giving the extreme circumstances of rollerderby it should be part of the training.....its like we already have weapons (our skates) on our feet.......making rash decisions out of anger or frustration on the track could cause someone getting there teeth knocked out or worse....... i have said this time and time again ...... there is no room for anger on the rink...... you are not the only person out there so be aware of your emotions....... respect the other players your own team mates.....learn to realize when enough is enough..... take yourself off the rink if anger becomes an issue........

I have played on a few different teams and anger has always been an issue....... having respect enough to realize you are wrong for smashing someone because "you can" or even better because you have "had a bad day".....is a pretty selfish mode........ well guess what we are all dealing with some sort of massive stressful situations at home.......leave it there......your better off keeping your personal issues at home........visa versa same thing .......everyone knows how much drama is delt with in a league....... you don't want to bring that home either........find a place that is suitable to take on those issues and learn to step away when need be.......

My passion is always mistaking for anger........my reply to that is "i have yet to make anyone bleed, right!"......then i politely ask them to back up off me and until i do anything wrong then step to me........but until then step away my friend.....step away ........well i can go on and on about respect......its more than a word its a lifestyle.........allot like rollerderby its more than a sport its a lifestyle ......this is why respect and rollerderby really need to walk hand in hand.......respect is everything you see.....with out it...... you are nothing to me!!!!!

Injuries are all real in Derby!

2010-02-19T11:57:00.000-08:00

Injuries come in all different shapes, sizes and different areas of all kinds. I've seen a lot of crazy injuries during roller derby due to it being so aggressive and extreme.

Most girls think bruises and scrapes are pretty and feel proud towards it. Others like me can't stand floor burn and rink rash! I always wear figure skating skin colored thick tights under my fishnets. I can't just do fishnets by themselves, especially when your skating on concrete! I've seen rink rash that formed the shape of the fishnets its pretty cool looking but the feeling of a rink rash is not fun in my book.

The main hurtful injury I got that took me completely out of a game was in Arizona for ESPN filming, There were these huge wooden post that held the building up. One of my team players did a whip for me to get through and next thing you know the opposing team slams into me knocking me face first into this post. Now the post was padded up but not all the way, So my face hit towards the bottom of the post, and my legs fell foward everyone said it was like a cartoon incident, they've never seen anything like that it. Of course I got up, it took me a few but I got up and tried to skate but I seriously saw stars and couldn't even stand up. With my helmet strap just completly choking my neck when hitting the post kept me out of breath too. Took me out of rest of the game.

I've never broken anything, I had a small little sprain on my knee once but not from skating. Never really have had any real injuries. All my teeth are real, my nose is straight, only thing that I usually get is bruised up, even with my thick tights on, and scratches on my arms. I kicked myself in the mouth one practice and wasn't wearing a mouthguard and I can't imagine getting a tooth knocked out I think that's one of my biggest fears. I hate doctors and hospitals, I think just reallllly getting injured scares me to death, but you kinda gotta look at what your doing, anything can happen and when it happens, it happens without even knowing what happened.

I've seen broken ankles, broken fingers, broken wrists, bruises, scratches, I've even seen teeth marks on a girl once!
I think I've seen more injuries while working at the roller rink during public session hours. I've seen teeth get knocked out a broken bone somewhere at least once to every other week.

My team plays by no holds barred full contact and we never really get seriously injured. I've seen other team's players in a sling after their game, never really understood cause they play by rules, and have referees, along with penalty boxes and I see more injuries in that. We have injuries that take our team players out of our games, but It hasn't left them in a sling or crutches.

To avoid injuries, you have to pay attention in every single angle of your surroundings, sometimes the opposing team can pop out of noowhere. You have to learn how to fall safe and properly, and yes there is a right way to fall! Always wear your protective gear and make sure it fits tight, You don't want knee pads that are gonna slide down and not protect you when you have a knee fall. Thick tights are amazing, sometimes I'll double them depending on what kind of surface I'm skating on. Drinking plenty of water helps you stay hydrated and not make you dizzy, nautious, etc.
Try to hold falls as much as you can, I've seen girls just slam themselves on the floor when they're about to fall, and will their sit there for a while, while their opposing team are scoring points, Try to avoid falling as much as possible. When you fall jump right back up and get back in the game. Sitting on the floor can cause further injuries, someone can skate over your finger (NOT FUN!), fall right on top of you due to you being in the way and them not looking.

it's definately fractured

2010-02-18T14:35:00.000-08:00

nervous. i've got my feet resting on a wooden table, on a wooden floor, pretty sure this couch has some wood in it made myself some little wooden booties out of match sticks.
i always think it's fractured, fractured or torn, but i've never actually hurt myself very badly. there was the time i decided that roller skating should be a a legitimate form of transportation for my person, while residing in place named highgate hill, had way less of my pretty skin for a while, but the consequences of my actions were much less debilitating than they could have been. i've put my rib sort of out of position and nearly dislocated my shoulder and obtained some crazy, big haematoma in my hip, but nothing major ever. TOUCH WOOD.
by the end of last year though i was just about ready to throw in the the helmet though. fatigue. it hurt a freekin lot every time i fell on my knees, everything hurt most of the time and my energy levels were really low. under too much stress, looking after my team and league before myself and sort of sub-consciously deciding to never give myself a moment to think about the trauma i had been through the year before in order to get through, i piled projects on projects.
this year i vowed that things would be different. the distraction helped with the emotional side of things, but having so much on my plate, left me barely caring about any of it, not enjoying training and not having the time to look after myself. there was a point where i actually started to have my meals, all of my meals, delivered in a big styrofoam box, because, despite my very convenient to a range of restaurants location, i just was not even going to have time to pick up takeaway.
we had six weeks off over xmas and i barely even looked at a pair of roller skates and was pretty damn happy about it. i didn't exercise at all.
i became a bit uncomfortable with how damaging to my body playing roller derby is. sure it means i stay pretty fit, even when i think i'm being lazy, but it is such a full on chain of actions to put your body through. get hit, have the a rib crushed into your shoulder...area, fall on the pointiest part of your hip twice in a row for some reason, bang, crash, etc, then don't stretch properly afterwards.
so this year i have joined a gym that has millions of yoga and pilates classes so that i can counteract a little that which i am purposefully putting my body through.
gaining much neglected strength in my mid and upper body makes me feel like i am in so much more control when i am skating, stretching out my butt muscles for like 10 minutes on either side in a hatha yoga class i think is just making me way less grumpy in general. feeling as though my body is getting a bit of love and growth instead of pain and punishment is making me want to keep playing instead of getting all old, conservative attitude about using what my mamma gave me.
doing what we do to our bodies, and only a derby girl knows it is harder than it actually looks, i'm beginning to realise how important it is to give some back and show my poor embattled body how much i appreciate what it does for me on the off days, cause it won't keep on like this forever, no matter how much wood i touch. i'm just glad that i've realised how important it is to get a more holistic approach before i actually tore a groin muscle and couldn't get none of my favourite anti-depressant.

ROUGE!

Crossover challenged..

2010-02-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

I shall forever be.

Ayup, that's me.

Aside from my first initial stupid "accident", every single time I have ever injured myself, even slightly, has been in my attempt to do a crossover...

But more on that later.

I have to say, I am pretty fortunate in my lack of heavy duty injuries, meaning stuff requiring surgery, but that has alot to do with my lack of seeing heavy duty action.

My first injury was known as a 'giner shiner. I use to only be able to only get up like some weird gorilla, popping up on my stoppers, and using a knuckle to push up. So I had someone decide she was going to teach me how to rock back on my stoppers and pop up.

This was right around the time I wasn't eating, so I lacked energy, and some muscle tone. About the 10th time I rocked back went to pop up and my legs just shook and gave out..I landed hard on my back wheel.

I was sexually assaulted by my skate wheel.

It didn't even buy me a drink first..or make promises it didn't intend on keeping...

It could have at least given me a roofie...or a floorie.. cause thats where I ended up. (Like that girls? We quote The Hangover constantly..lol)

I just laid there, alternating between laughing and crying for almost 10 minutes..and cursing anyone who came near me..

It hurt to pee for danged near a week.

My butt crinkles just thinking back on that incident..

Now for my crossover impaired-ness...

I can't do it. I don't know why I can't, but I can't..(yes I am aware I will fail a WFTDA min. skills requirement test, so ain't it grand we ain't a WFTDA team?)

When I do the turns I either put all my weight on one leg and extend the other out, leaning in to the curve or put my feet end to end and kinda spread em and lean in...if that makes sense..

The first time I attempted a crossover, I had the sheer brilliance of NOT wearing a helmet, and having a plastic clip in the back of my head, when I went to crossover on the highly varnished part of the floor, I fell...backwards. slammed my head into the floor, jamming the clip into my skull, knocking myself out cold. My teamates at the time had the added genius of removing my knee, and elbow pads, and wrist guards, and LEFT MY SKATES ON!! So when I came to, of course I was asked if I was ok, and as I stood up all dizzy, saying I was ok, WITH MY SKATES STILL ON, I fell again, and fractured my elbow.

Nice eh?

Yeah so once I got the all clear, it took me 2 months of putting my stoppers on the edge of the floor looking at them and going "yeah..um.. NO.. not happening today." and I sat back down.

At one point, when I finally mustered the courage and went over the spot where I injured myself, I hyper ventilated, cried, and my man had to come drag me across the spot.

Nice tough derby girl,eh?

I finally had to get hypnotized..which yes, it did work, it took the fear out, and no, I didn't bark like a dog when I saw the color red, but she did put little cues in my subconscious...

So eventually I picked it back up again, but ever so slowly...so at one point..I started hauling ass again. Well, as fast as my ass would go, and I went to attempt a crossover again...

Boom..

Boom.......

POW!!!!

Yeah.. so I fell with my full body weight on my left side..with my arm twisted up behind me. At first it just felt limp, but I was determined not to suffer another setback like before. But by the end of practice, when I took my pads and wristguard off, it was kind of evident what was keeping it "in place" was the padding..I really thought I was being a wuss, so I went home. By the time I got home, it had swollen up so badly and I couldn't even move it.

Off to the ER. Dislocated it at the shoulder, and a nice sprained wrist.

The nurses were nice though.. I got alot of nice pics with them..

So.. I think I forever will be crossover challenged..but I have bought one of those core balance board things to try and work on it...

But it still doesn't get around my childhood nickname of Grace...my Momma says I can trip over a blade of grass.

Actually, she said I can trip over the SHADOW of a blade of grass...

So anybody wanna lay money on me getting through my entire derby career major injury free? LOL.

Betcha it will be crossover related....

Injured Soldiers of the Renegade Army

2010-02-16T15:11:00.000-08:00

I've been dealing with a chronic injury since May of last year, I initally tore my ACL which healed and was exhaserbated by lateral impact around August, which we get a lot of in derby. After our October bout, I did a take down in which I some how did a somersault while holding the other girl throwing her over my shoulder, in bearing the weight of two people...I tore my meniscus...I had no clue what I had done until later on, it hurt so bad, but what hurt most of all was that I couldn't get back in the game, especially when I was on a roll and taking out like a pimp lol !
I played our November bout and I didn't let the pain get to me...it was mind over matter at that point. Our team founder required a doctor's note for me to skate so I b-lined it to the doctor to get one. She was always very concered for the safety of the girls on the team.
After that I had surgery to repair the tear, it was actually pretty cool and I have a picture of the post op...it was nice and swollen and purple lol...it's in my phone but i don't know how to send it to the computer because I haven't set up an "enterprise e-mail" account...Dang blackberrys.....otherwise, i'd post it up.
I'm good though now, it's been tough watching my comrades skate and I can't sometimes but I stuck it through...It seemed like it would be forever when I heard mid-february till recovery, but hey I made it!!! WOOOO!
So that's my story, through my 2009 season with the Renegade Roller Girls of So Cal, the injuries have been minimal on our team...it's mostly the same people over and over again hahaha. DTP, our team founder has broken her elbow, torn her PCL and a few other things she is probably hasn't told us hahaha.
During the 1/22/10 bout in Arizona, one of the members of the Arizona Renegades broke her ankle right in front of me! In irony, it was the same place that one of our former members broke her ankle during the season opener in January of 09. It was horrible...my gut instinct is to run over and try to make the person feel better, but you can't do anything to help, I still cringe thinking about it...it must have been excruciating, I hope she is doing ok.
I've seen a lot of girls fall hard and just need a minute to take that fall in and then they get right back up again...when I see that, I'm like damn, the women of derby are amazing.
There are a number of reasons why girls get injured, some are because we try too hard, or too little, or we take the game personally and start taking it out on others....or shit just happens sometimes...it's what we do, if I didn't know the risk, I'd be playing tennis or golf or something, but that requires balls flying everywhere really fast and that's even scarier hahahaha!
Hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

Boo Boo's

2010-02-15T08:43:00.000-08:00

Rollerderby being as extreme as it is.........the injuries can be even more extreme.........i think the worst injuries that i have seen through out the years had to definitely be Atomic Butterfly from ICT Wichita Rollergirls..........there was a bad collision at practice between her and another fellow rollergirl.......... Atomic Butterfly's ankle was no longer a part of her body........she snapped it off her leg.........she still plays till this day...... talk about a die hard.......the only thing that bothers her is the pins that connect her ankle back to her leg..........now when she plays derby the pin tends to unscrew itself........its pretty cool you can see it on the outside of her ankle........

There are many different reasons why an injury can occur.............lack of stretching can definitely be a reason..........if you don’t stretch before and after a physical work out it can definitely cause strain on your muscles.........especially being as physical as rollerderby is.............another reason being would be lack of education.........i tell everyone i train that rollerderby is such a dangerous sport as it is.........people "being stupid" on the track and hitting you when( your off guard) the whistle had been blown.........or bringing anger to this sport is not safe either......anger definitely has to stay on the bench........you really have to be disciplined enough to realize that you are not the only one on the track.......

Funny but true.......Alot of the girls and there injuries occur off skates/off rink..........ironic as it is..........everything from sprained ankles to busted for arms........off track.........something stupid ex......we had a meet and greet and i was skating outside on the sidewalk.........hit a crack literally fell on my back and some how some way in the middle of all the mumbo jumbo i sprained my ankle..........took me out for a couple weeks.........dumb as it may seem this type of thing happens more than any of us like to admit...........

Prevention of injuries...........Be aware of absolutely everything around you...........Stretch before and after practice..........and educate the newbie’s on the positive and the negative..........education being the main key here..............remind people that everyone on the rink carries a certain responsibility when entering this sport..........responsibilities including caring yourself in a professional matter...........reminding people that this sport is already dangerous don’t make it any more dangerous as it is.........playing wisely..........not forgetting that we do have weapons on our feet and how important it really is to "fall small" so to speak...........the key here is safety...........

Much Derby Love

Karma

Roller derby keeps me healthy and fit

2010-02-14T19:08:00.000-08:00

I realized when I was in high school that I liked working out. This happened during my sophomore year when I randomly ended up at the swim team try outs for my high school swim team. While I was in the pool swimming laps, with the coaches above yelling at me, something inside me turned on: a drive to be fast and to be the best swimmer I could be. I ended up on the swim team for two years and absolutely loved the daily rigorous work outs it required.

There is no better feeling than the tired and muscle-less, yet accomplished and sharp, feeling that you get after a good work out. And then there's the hunger you get, and the satisfaction once you eat something. I also fell in love with the competition, being pushed to my athletic limit, and being a part of a team.

When I got to college I knew I wanted to join another sports team. I joined the novice crew team (rowing in an 8 person boat). At this point I realized I can push myself to levels of extreme exercise that most people can't. Crew was gnarly! We did erg machine workouts at 5 am that would have most girls puking by the end of the workout. We launched our row boat, barefoot, in icy cold water before the sun came up. We rowed through the "development" of our blisters, which were constantly getting splashed by the salt water because of the teetering of the uneven boat being controlled by 8 inexperienced rowers. And we couldn't let go of the salt water logged wood oar that was rubbing over and over on our open and bleeding "developing" blisters, or the oar we let go of would smack the girl behind us in the face. It was torture...and I loved it! All of it!

When I was done with college in 2004 I remember having a sinking feeling at the thought that I would never again have an opportunity to play on a competitive sports team. It was a horrible feeling and I remember really feeling like it would never ever happen again and that there was nothing I could do about it. Sure I could go play on a club or a community team, but those kinds of teams didn't have the level of intensity or seriousness that I craved.

When I found out about roller derby that something inside me, the same something I felt when I jumped in the pool the first day of swim team try outs, turned back on. All of a sudden I wanted to be the best skater and roller derby player I could be. Its been a long road, because four years ago, when I found out about roller derby, I couldn't even stand on roller skates. The last time I had had skates on was when I was about 10, and I wasn't very good then. Today I can not only skate, I can play roller derby. And roller derby provides me with a level of athleticism and competition that I never could have imagined having when I was graduating from college.

Roller derby has turned out to be the most challenging sport I have ever played. And aside from rowing and swimming I have also played softball, baseball, basketball, and football over the years, along with being a cheer leader and being on the dance team. Nothing challenged me like roller derby does. Roller derby challenges my mind and my body every single time I go to practice or play a game.

So along with this intense level of competition and athleticism comes a lot of responsibility as far as taking care of my body - at least for me it does. It took me awhile to get here, but I have a protein shake before and after practice now. I used to come home from practice, shower and go straight to bed. I never slept very well, if at all sometimes, on practice nights. I finally found out its imperative to replenish or recharge my body after a gnarly workout. I make my protein shakes with whey protein powder, cacao bits, a spoonful of peanut butter, a frozen banana, frozen blueberries, non fat plain yogurt, two dates, and rice milk. Sometimes I will add agave honey to sweeten it or vitamin c powder if I am feeling really crappy. I have noticed my endurance increase dramatically since I have been taking the protein shakes. I also take Emergencies, a vitamin c and vitamin b powder I mix with water, before and after practice.

I keep my diet full of fruits, vegetables, nuts, fish whenever possible, and lean meats. I eat a lot! Especially when I am going to practice regularly, which for me means skating 10-15 hours a week at practice, not including another 3-6 hours of skating outside at the beach. As long as I am getting all the good foods in, I allow myself to have bad stuff too.

It all seems to be working out because I am in the best shape I can ever remember being in and I am 29 years old. Once again, roller derby saved my ass. Quite literally actually, as I have never received so many compliments on my ass in my life!!

Kali Katt
Southern California Roller Derby Examiner

The opinions in this blog are the opinions of Kali Katt and no one elses.

Fitness starts NOW!

2010-02-12T21:13:00.001-08:00

Alright so im 22 years old now, I started roller derby at 18. I'm 5'0 and always weighed around 110.
I always get asked if I'm a personal gym trainer or get asked how many hours a day I go to the gym.
People think I'm joking and that I'm a huge prick when I tell them I've never been the gym.

Growing up my rollerskating has always been my exersize. I didn't get any boobs till after I quit figure skating.
I always had rock solid abs and bigger muscles in my arms than a lot of dudes...hint my name The Dude.
Funny thing is I can't run cause I get really bad cramps and I start having breathing problems..
So in order for me to run I gotta be getting chased by "the bad guy" lol. I never took gym/PE in school I got out of it because of skating.

When I joined roller derby thats when I had to start excersizing to just survive practice. Those sit ups and pushups are a killer.
It was hard for me to skate half the skating floor due to how hard I push to cover the entire floor I had to train myself to skate a small track and let me tell you there's so many times I hit the wall just flat out of nowhere on the corners cause it was so different to me.

So I started swimming laps and skating super fast around the roller rink during session to gain my endurance. As a Jammer it tends to get super tiring after a Jam especially in a game when your nerves are just after your body! I'm known for doing 2-3 jams in a row, and then passing out. Training myself and exersizing at this new thing was a hassle but worth it in the end. teaching my body and my mind to skate fast continuously pushing on that small track was different to me. I still can't crosspull on the corner edges without hitting a wall and those of you who know and have seen my skating I have to put one foot in front and slide myself across the corners to avoid my safety from the walls let alone the crowd around me.

I started to go to the gym but I never knew how to use any of the equipment and everytime I asked for help I kinda felt unconfortable and humiliated by the look on their face, is this chick for real? Yes common sense to those who have been around just like if you ask me what types of wheels are for what easy for me to answer, understandable but yes I'm serious when I say I don't know how to use any of the equipment.

So I stopped going to the gym due to the embarrassment and all the evil looks people would give me when I walked in as tiny as I am.
So then I got a yoga mat and worked on stretching and I started to walk and run at the school grass area. Finally when those upcoming games came around I could play 3 games in a day with the endurance I trained myself. I quit figure skating with the jumps and spins at like 14, and those are what really kept me in shape and completed my endurance and after I quit I started geting lazy and my endurance slowly slowed down. Me being a great skater became me not being able to be the best skater cause I kept getting tired. So no matter who you are you always need to stay in shape and excersize to a point where your endurance and breathing keep up with you during a game.

chicken/egg

2010-02-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

for me, living with chronic depression is like the mental equivalent of when you know you're going to get sick if you don't take some time out, get a good nights sleep, eat some vegetables and lay off the booze. if i do that stuff i don't get a head cold and have to lay in bed for three days; if i do that stuff and exercise regularly, i don't get sick in the mental section.

it seems all so logical, but i know that there are people that don't live under a blanket of doom for three days because they are in need of a green bean.

the formula is somewhat variable, i don't really function that well without stress, so time out can actually be detrimental, i get depressed and slothful. sometimes good night sleeps make me less functional than 5-6 hours a night for two weeks. not drinking can leave me pretty freekin tense (now confronting issues of moderation) but if i don't eat vegetables almost every day and i don't sweat a whole heap and feel my heart pounding through my chest at least 3 times a week, i tend to go a bit funny in the head.
not quite fruitiuos-loopious, call-the-men-with-the-white-van crazy, just a bit unhealthy, won't bore you with the details, sometimes i notice it, sometimes i don't.
so my delicious green and blue breakfast pill takes away the more unnatural of my symptoms, leaving me, i like to think, just more sensitive to my body and it's chemistry than most.

problem is, i'm a bit of an art-wanker. i would much rather spend my time staring at pictures and coming up with reasons why a shadow cast across a kitchen table explains the human condition, than going to the freekin gym.

so derby. derby does it again.
skipping training fills me with guilt and remorse at what awesome blocks others might gain while i'm not there and the living with other girls on my team tends to keep me pretty focused.
there are so many little goals you can set - gonna get faster than Roller McGee, gonna knock down Old McSkatey 16 times over the next 2 weeks, not gonna get my freekin arse smashed into the ground like some sort of not-particularly-fit-type in front of hundreds of people etc.

the nature of derby requires you to be so obsessed with it to play it. the fact that missing a training session is really quite upsetting, works so well for me, and i'm sure many others, because i really would rather be roller skating and hitting other people that are also roller skating and hitting other people, than staring into the endless chasm of my own mind (oh geezus not again).

life before derby involved me slipping back into the many distractions i am distracted by and not doing the regular amount of exercise that i require to keep un-mental. after not exercising for weeks, i would freaking , go to extremes, wear myself out, need to rest and be less obsessive and then go through the cycle again. argh!
the beauty of derby for me lies in it's extremity and it not being the realm of jocks and "the healthy people". i want to be around those people and i don't get bored.

YES i still think that the chemicals released in ma brain from sex are waaaay better than the ones i get from exercise, but unfortunately they don't seem to have as much of a lasting effect.
so i really like to be fit, i really like to be healthy, cause when i am i can do all sorts of things like "leave the house" and "hold conversations looking at the other person through my own eyes instead of those of the ant in the corner" - it's delightful!

it's not easy constantly staying on top of your own psyche, but derby makes the physical health and fitness that i apparently require to do so a hell of a lot easier to achieve, because it's fun and challenging and always changing and there's a bunch of people who would kick my arse if i skipped too many trainings.

the point i'm actually getting at is, regardless of the extremities of what happens to me when i stop exercising, i think it's really important for everyone to eat freekin broccoli and render your clothing saturated in secretions!! i believe i'm just some sort of hyper-sensitive case study and that everyone goes unwell mentally if they aren't looking after their body, they just don't necessarily notice it.
exercise is more important to me than taking my medication and i really think that so many people would function so much better if they just went for a freekin roller skate.

"I said GET DOWN!!!"

2010-02-10T10:49:00.000-08:00

.......use to hear that all the time. Wasn't my fault, that i'm over 6ft tall..(I use to be 6ft3, but we have since discovered with age I have shrunk..so with skates on, I am around 6ft3 again)...

As I was saying, wasn't my fault I am gigantic, and my skater position is the same height as you normal sized peoples standing up position.

Yeah...'eff you tiny.

I was gonna write this blog all about fitness and everything I have ever had drilled in my head from the get go, but then I decided something better to write about would be my own personal trials and tribulations with losing weight, trying to get fit, and trying to be taught to skate by tiny people.

One of my dear friends, Jackrabbit Slams, from Tuscon Roller Derby, once said something to me that always stood out.. "it's hard to be taught to skate properly by a tiny chick. Until they try to skate on stilts with a small child strapped to their back, they will never know what it's like to skate like someone our size."

She is 100% correct. I had frustrated small chick after frustrated small chick try to teach me how to do this skill and that maneuver, to no avail. I either had to figure it out myself, or a few things I did learn from someone else, was from a skater who was almost as tall as I am.

That aside, one of the biggest things that set me back, was nutrition. Or lack thereof. As I have said before I was huge. I wanted to lose weight, so I went about it all the wrong way. I just stopped eating.

Big mistake.

Huge..

Bigger than my ass at the time...

What it does, is makes you extremely weak, because your metabolism slows down and then in turn your body basically eats itself. It eats your muscle for nourishment, before it eats the fat.

So everytime I hit the rink, I was so weak, lightheaded, it took little to nothing to knock me down, and I lacked the physical ability or muscle tone to get back up.

So my team captain at the time pulled me aside and said I needed to be doing more squats and lunges.. so I did them like mad. Still wasn't eating though, so it was all for naught. I got accused of not doing my squats and lunges because I was so weak. I recall the convo clearly "No, I do them like mad.." .."well what are you eating?" "eat? I don't eat!"

Team Captain wigged out on me..

So here is what I did do..she had me do a 7 days blueberry detox. Basically I had a blueberry smoothie every morning..not really a defined recipe for me. What I did was mix a cup of frozen blueberries, with some lowfat milk,plain vanilla lowfat yogurt, and a cup of plain,or strawberry whey protein.

I prayed for death to take me days 1-3. It cleans out your system something fierce. You pee, you sweat, you have a love affair with the Tidy Bowl man. But it jump starts your body, purging it of all the toxins. You seriously detox your body...and once thats over..you begin eating several small meals a day, every 4 hours. I myself enjoy those Special K protein shakes,or things like boiled eggs, grilled chicken, can of tuna.

It's amazing, once I started eating several small meals a day..my metabolism picked way up. I really dropped some weight, and my energy really started kickin like chicken. I could go all practice, and have the energy to pick myself up off the floor...

It was all due to proper nutrition. Starving yourself is never the answer.

I also still do stupid crap like 5 hour energy shots, with triple shots of liquid B-12 under the tongue, and a RedLine energy drink on the way to practice..makes me all hyped up like a crackhead..

Sometimes when I am feeling really crappy I will have some instant energy.. a spoonful of peanut butter.. that always works for a quick pick me up.

Another key is water. Lots and lots of it.. if you can see your pee, then your not drinking enough...

I also take my daily vitamin, my super omega 3-6-9, and my glucosomin and chondritan everyday, with an Elations joint drink, or I just don't move..I have a bad knee, comes from years of being jammed underneath a fat chick..

Yeah all this sounds really great.. doesn't it? I would be really thin if I took my eating habits, and coupled them with proper exercise. I have a bike, a bowflex, 600lbs of free weights, an elliptical, an ab roller, balance board, and even Roller Derby workout on DVD.

Yeah....I will get to that part some day...right now my routine consists of those new Skechers Shape Up Tennis Shoes and me walking to the tanning bed, nail salon and the mailbox..

Very taxing!!

I am still learning to skate correctly..but I am learning MY way.. the little chicks just cheer me on now..

It's nice not to be screamed AT...

Fitness???!

2010-02-09T12:54:00.000-08:00

Hello all, well the topic of the day is fitness HA! I am not a health nut by any means. I eat junk food and I love to eat in large amounts. I'm only 5 feet tall.
Once and while, I will jog at the track at a high school...I will reminise about a time when I weighed 105 pounds lol. I have a gym in my apartment buliding but its flooded with kids just playing with the equipment and I feel funny. I've never really stuck to a diet. I am just aweful at it.
It's funny, when I get to practice i'm eating, when I leave practice I go get something to eat. The girls know that I LOVE to eat and totally embrace that instead of making me feel ashamed of it.

I think roller derby has given me a new appreciation for my body and that I am sexy and strong exactly the way I am. When I first started playing roller derby, I lost like 12 pounds in a month!!! I was like WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO.
I used to be a little more self concious and derby has helped me not beat myself about it so much. Society puts these unreachable standards of what is beautiful and its difficult to not feel that pressure. We go out looking fine and we look damn good getting knocked on our ass out there no matter how much or how little we weigh. lol

My diet is laughter...I laugh at the ignorance, and immaturity of people calling eachother fat...and AFTERALL, laughter burns calories!!! So does SEX....so HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!

VICTORIOUS

2010-02-08T09:08:00.000-08:00

Left side: Karmic Recall #911 FMDG Right side: Necro Mandi #2084 Harbor City

I woke the morning of SAT Feb 7th.....Not really knowing what to expect....Excitement drives my curiosity....in the passenger seat Reality hits..... we are such a new team.....allot of the girls new to this sport.........My first time playing with the FMDG All Star team.....Its our first season..... Call it beginners luck....call it what you will.....I'd personally like to call it a beautiful thing .....
With a great line up of girls.....Pure determination to make a positive name for ourselves in this crazy derby world!!!!!The heart and the passion......I'm sure 4 days a week of training had a lil somthin somthin to do with it....not to forget......-Bustin Morenose- from the Twin Cities Terrors.....He comes down and works with us every once and a while.......We couldn't have had a better Bench Coach......Congratulations Bustin you had an awesome debut......What a victory it was for all of us.....Impeccable job!!!!!

Final Score- 176 to 75 FMDG 2 for 2 we are working on our 3rd victory(traveling team)4th selling out 1700 seats......

Now we all know its not just the players......not just the bench coach.....not just the training......not just the sacrifices.......not just our passion.......or determination.....its the everything......the refs that brake there arm before the bout..... then go to the hospital........the volunteers...... even the bands that back out a day before......the events coordinators...Our announcer Julia Childless....the fans that get turned away from a sold out event.....the moms that are so proud and the dads that are glowing (thinking to themselves who needs a son when you have a rollerderby girl)......WIth out one of these links we are just a broken chain.......The captains ......The owners.......The jammers .......the blockers.......The sisters.......the brothers.......even the stockers lol.....Its all of us banding together for the same goal....for the chance to make a name for ourselves.....The photographers......the media.......the newspapers........its the ability of the players to put there personal drama aside if only for the victory......

Karmic Recall #911 proud member of FMDG ALL STARS chillin with her favorite fans!!!!

We love all of you.......we couldn't afford to do this with out you......Our efforts are paying off.....Our goal to be a part of WFTDA....we can taste.....Fargo Moorhead Roller Girls stand proud and fall even prouder......These pics say it all......The local newspaper says even more.......we are so lucky to have such a strong fan base.....strong leaders and people like "Bustin" that go out of there way to help us out.....We are 60 strong.....2 official teams and an all star team.......The civic center 1700 seats to fill......even ticket master doin there thing......

Left side- Nekro Mandi #2084 Harbor City Right side- Karmic Recall #911 FMDG

That night we celebrated like no other.......Sharpie included.......Signing everyone that crossed my path......a little intoxicated ok alot intoxicated .......empty pockets.....getting kicked out of the harbor citys hotel room.......signing my team mates husbands back of his head.......my dog tripping me and the conversation i had with him explaining i didn't need his help lol.......post its all over my designated drivers vehicle.....the hamburger that i almost slept with.......o ya cant forget the snow bank that tripped me.......you know its a good time when you wake up feelin like p diddy.......

Much Derby Love
Karma

Roller Derby Ruined My Life

2010-02-08T02:51:00.000-08:00

SO its 2:52 am and I am finally getting the chance to post my "Sunday" blog, even though technically its already Monday morning. And why may you ask am I up at almost 3 am blogging? Well this is the first chance I have had to sit down and do this since this morning. I attended the South Coast Mitten Kittens training camp today in Southern California, which was awesome. I always love getting together with other local derby girls. Also this weekend, we, and by we I mean the San Diego Derby Dolls, finally premiered our brand new banked track for the San Diego public! We had our first banked track game at the San Diego Del Mar Fairgrounds Saturday night against the Mitten Kittens. I wasn't playing, I was actually boutcasting for DNN. It was a huge night for the league, four and half a years in the making. And then earlier tonight after the training camp, and while my roommate was having a super bowl party, I was sifting through stats and pics from the game and writing up a review of the game for a Sports news site. So like a lot of weekends it has been a long derby weekend, but a satisfying one.

The topic suggested for the past week was "Talk about your friends, family or random people you meet, and their support OR lack thereof - of you playing roller derby."

Well, as my title states roller derby has officially ruined my life. I saw that on a t-shirt Dahmernatrix was wearing at a practice one day. I loved it because it completely embodies how I feel at this point in my derby career. Roller derby has completely ruined my life. And I love it! Because my other favorite quote is Roller Derby Saved My Soul, which apparently Karmic Recall likes as well from the title of her Monday blog. I am glad I have traded whatever my past life was for the positive life I now have in the roller derby community. This is why on my on my trading card profile for 2010 it says:

Inspiration: Roller Derby Saved My Soul

Biggest Challenge: Roller Derby Ruined My Life

Now do other people understand this? Certainly not. Just today I came out of my room to take a break from writing to try some of roommates shrimp ceviche and mingle a little bit with his friends that were watching the Super Bowl. When I got out there a girl I know from a couple of years ago was there and when she introduced me to her friend she said, "oh Nicole plays, what is it Nicole, roller blading or something?" I wanted to stab her. Roller derby is so important to me, and so unimportant to her. I guess that is why as time goes on I find myself hanging out more and more only with other derby folk. I get tired of trying to explain to randoms, or family members, why its so cool and why it takes up such a huge part of my life. When I am with my derby sister and brothers I know they understand why it consumes my life, cause it also consumed theirs.

Also on my trading card profile is this:

Favorite Quote: “If at first, the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.” – Albert Einstein

Some would say the idea of professional roller derby is absurd. Thank god, otherwise there would be no hope for it, according to Einstein.

OK I am going to bed. I need to get rested - I have practice tomorrow night.

kali katt

PANTS TO YOU SIR!

2010-02-04T15:20:00.001-08:00

once i explained to my mother after the only bout that she has seen me play in, that i didn't mean to, it was just a knee jerk reaction when i punched my best friend Ladykiller (lamely, in the chest) - the rim of her helmet came down on my shoulder joint and it really freekin hurt - she surprisingly answered that punching an attacker is probably the best reaction i could have when somebody hurts me.
she didn't sound really worried and tell me to be careful every time derby was mentioned after that.

my boss has no sympathy for any derby-related injury complaints as i "bring it on myself", so i sit quietly in my office with my bag of frozen peas and keep it real - he does however let me print a ridiculous amount of derby related material on his fancy new printer, sponsor ads in calendars and gives me time off in order to prepare for bouts. i know he secretly love that i play.
my only co-worker said "...but you can't be a geek, you play roller derby" ha!

i think i actually used to wear fishnet stockings more before i started playing, i guess i now consider them "sports-wear" so only usually wear them for games or when it's too hot to train in leggings.
i started going to the fledgling derby league in my town after i got fed up with all of my friends telling me that they had heard of this roller ball thing and i should do it. note: the majority of nicknames bestowed upon me have incorporated the word "crazy".
my housemates and friends come to games and are very apologetic, almost ashamed if they can't make the 4th one in a row. derby is just a thing i do and although my friends and people i'm introduced to as "...Kate, she plays roller derby!" think it's pretty cool, i don't think it's really considered that unusual, at least for a crazy, outgoing, attention whore like myself, to play the sport.

i'll tell you who doesn't support derby though, freekin the people who make pants.
i'm proud of my tremendous thighs and tend to pick up by telling guys i could crush their head with them...if i so chose, and then they are all, "nuh uh!" and i am all "yuh huh!" and they are all "well prove it" and then i take them home, have my way, crush their head and eat their remains.
my pants though, are now held up, not at the waist or hips by the waistband like a regular persons pants might, but by the wedges of strength that most people refer to as thighs. the fabric at waist and abdomen hangs loose and annoying, wearing belts creates that pant butt scrunching effect which is not flattering to anyone. oh life is hard!
i now own several pairs of very high waisted polka dot underpants that compensate for the gap created by wearing pants 2 sizes too big in the waist. i like to wear them as my bikini bottoms at the beach and make the rest of my league get drunk and try them on. in fact, finally bringing this issue out in the open has inspired me to put forward that as SSRG's previously non-existent hazing ritual, we make all newbies, refs included, skate their first scrimmage session in my ridiculous knickers.
am i right, or am i right?

I get all the support I need from my sport bra.."ba da bum bum"

2010-02-03T06:26:00.000-08:00

Ok.. no seriously.

My story begins long ago in a galaxy far, far, away..where the men were men, and the women usually looked like men. Podunk Tiny Town Texas.

My mom and popsicle were older parents..my mom was a petite, beautiful cheerleader or "yell leader" as they were called in those days, my daddy career Navy Officer. As a teen my mom was striken with polio, and for various reasons, she was unable to have children due to the strain on her body. So..they elected to adopt.

What she hoped for was a cute tiny lil version of herself that she could continue to persue all her own personal hopes and aspirations through. On June 4th, 1973, that dream was shot down in flames when my nearly 12lb,covered in red splotches self came screaming into the world.

Since they had already pre-paid for me, I guess they figured it was best to go ahead and take me home. Maybe I would shrink or something, I dunno. Grow into my head..or fat rolls..

Yeah.. that didn't happen.. year after year the lineup in school was like this..

kid kid kid kid kid ME kid kid kid kid kid

I guess it didn't help that we moved in next door to Janna and Tiffany, the Captain of the Drill Team, and Head Cheerleader.

My mom was emotionally distant from me.I wasn't what she wanted... My father lent his pants and his scrotum to my mother, so he pretty much went along with whatever she said..while one on one he was a tender, loving father..it was when it mattered, up against my mother, that he did nothing. But honestly, it was always my mother's approval I sought most.

They paid for me to go to college, I got whatever I wanted as long as I was seen and not heard by my mother.... it paid off I reckon, because I am fluent in 4 languages, passable in a 5th, and I have a pretty dang good job...but whatever I wanted,was more or less love and approval, not a wave of the hand and a cold smile. Someone genuinely excited for my good deeds and sports exploits would have been outstanding..

I have always been gigantic..I remember when I got married, my dad is at the front of the reception venue and he raises a glass and says "I'd like to make a toast to the man who married my little girl.."

I holler from the receiving line "LITTLE? DADDY.. PUT ON YOUR GLASSES!!!"

With me being gigantic.. I am slow. I will always be slow. Fast I am not..so praise for me being a track star or a basketball or volleyball player never came. It was only for band, or drama, or powerlifting, or shotput.. the stuff that took the muscle..or a bit of smarts. I relished that praise, soaked it up. But it came from my teachers..not who I was so desperately seeking it from..my Mom..

I found derby,which we went over that in my first blog..my mother, being who she is..is full of things to say..."Your too old.." "don't you care what people think".. "If you'd think a little less about yourself and more about other people.."....She means her...lol...think only about her, and what she wants.

The day I took the pics that appear on my blog, I had a giant rockabilly poof on the top, and it was newly dyed black and neon pink, she rode with me to town, and I could see her eyeballing me out of the corner of my eye.

"You don't want me to tell you what you look like do you?"
"No mom, but I am reasonably sure your going to anyway"

So she was quiet for 10 minutes, and then she just couldn't stand it anymore. "You look like Dolly Parton mated with Mon Chi Chi then threw up, you just like seeing how stupid you can look, don't you?"

Really Mom? Really?

After a recent appearence on local TV..my mom calls me immediately after it's over.

It was too much to expect her to be complimentary.

"You look puffy, have you been eating Swiss Cake Rolls again, your fat"

So I was thinking about getting her one of those t-shirts that say "Proud Mother of a Rollergirl" except she wouldn't wear it..mostly because it doesn't come with a fashionable 70's style collar, doesn't come in a polyester/spandex blend, and would look ridiculous with her sensible, yet sturdy shoes. Oh.. and because the shirt doesnt say "I am proud of my tiny,petite Big 10 cheerleader" or even "I am proud of my giant daughter who was too large to be a tiny petite Big 10 cheerleader, so she became a nun and didn't embarass me by joining roller derby."... I forgot to add, my mom is staunch Catholic.

So that's the parental support aspect of it..I love my mom..

As for the manfolk/kids..

The man is a ref/coach..goes to every practice, every derby function,buys every single piece of equipment I own...couldn't ask for a more stellar pillar of support...

The kids..well once my 11 year old stopped getting other mothers wanting to kick my ass by telling kids in his class "Oh yeah.. you don't like it.. my mom is a rollergirl.. my mom can kick your moms BUTT.".. it was great, he wears the shirts, slaps stickers on things he's not suppose to in school, and tells kids to "pack it up" in the lunch line..

The oldest..hahahahahahahahaha.

He's 16, head of the redneck mafia. I remember last year, he was showin' hawgs at the state fair, so I darted from practice to the show barn, didn't even take off my gear. It was after the auction so buyers would be perusing the barn lookin for a good deal..

Lemmie tell ya one thing...

Cowboys love them some big giant rollergirls... sho' 'nuff..

But for every cowboy that was in there offering to "show me some derby luv"..there was some large country women there too..you know the type..big girls, lookin down their noses at me because I don't fit into their world.

Like their kids heifers.. the women themselves needed to have their hooves trimmed so they would stand correctly.

Now before ya'll start giving me crap.. I'm a big girl.. chunky..always have been, always will be, difference between me and them is, I dont look down my nose at people who are different, and treat them like garbage..

Well I went in the back side of the barn..and this boy took a gander at me in all my derby finery, got wide eyed and went screaming to find my son.. everybody from the front side of the barn came a runnin'..

Looked life a calf scramble I tell ya...

"There is this really weird looking women.. she's all padded up.. I think she's come to steal a hawg"

(Yes.. apparently derby gear will keep you well protected whilst stealing a 280lb show hawg)

So my teenage son pipes up..

"She ain't weird.. she's my momma.. and momma does derby..ain't it cool?"

So he wants me standing there with him as buyers come from the auction barn to the show barn..my son stood there proudly by my side..sporting my team at that time's shirt, and me wearing my gear still....

This guy comes buy and says "so who's this roller hockey chick"

"It's roller derby sir, and she's my momma"

"But your a cowboy.."

('Cause apparently I am unable to birth out of my social species..)

That boy of mine is now an NSO for GCRG..and is working on his skating to be a ref when he is of age..I think he pimps out team merch just as much as some of our girls!

So, in short. what I didn't get from my mom, I get in spades from my boys and man...and without that support..I really don't know where I would be...

Lost I reckon...

I almost quit derby..I was having a rough time of it after I slammed my head..and another derbygirl from my old team and I sat in the stands watching a bout one time.. (she was having issues with the hitting part of derby, she could skate like a mofo, but was scared of the hitting).. she said to me.. "you know, if we ever get it..as in, if I ever get past my fear of getting hit and hitting in return, I will be an alright skater, I mean, i'm little and cute and everybody will think "aww look at her"..but you..you get over that glitch and get your stride back again, your the stuff legends are made of, i'd kill to be as big as you and have that much hitting power"

SHUTUP!!

I laughed my ass off at her. Legend? Me? Ok..yeah, whatever..I don't presume to be so conceited myself, I am just a big solid lump... but then I realized later on..this is for me..this sport.. this is my thing..it doesn't matter I am not what my MOTHER wanted.. this sport doesnt care what SHE wanted..it relishes girls my size..and so I didn't quit..and I always hear that girls words echo in my head when I am still trying to work my skating out in my own head. Even when things got really bad with my other team..I still heard those words..

It began with the support of my man and my kids..then that small convo the girl probably doesnt even remember...in the midst of a serious craptastic time in my derby career....which was a huge boost of moral support, that kept me from quitting.. and helped me to move on to what I have now, the love and support of the phenomenal, PHENOMENAL group of ladies I skate with now, the GCRG.

I smile now. I laugh..I am happy to be around good people..good friends. The grieving for the lost child has lessened.. still hurts, but is not as consuming and harsh and debilitating, the obsessing over my own sucky ability to get over my head glitch from injury is gone,and I let go of my hurt from my experiences with my previous team..sometimes I still am a bit shellshocked..but I quickly get over it. Without derby, I would not have met these girls.Would not have this support network that I have now. I am thankful to have it in my life.

As for my mom.. someone once told me there is 2 Fences in Life.. the 'Eff It Fence.. and The Fix it Fence, and I had to figure out which one I was ridin'.. I rode the Fix it Fence for a long time.. to no avail..and my life only got better when I conceded that derby is what makes me happy, and no matter what, my mom will never be happy with me, derby or not.. so where she's concerned, I shall show her the proper respect she deserves as my mother..but I now ride the 'Eff It Fence.

Without the love of my family, (sorry mom, not you, thank God she doesn't have a computer) and the support of my derby sisters, I wouldn't be who I am right now...and everything I have done up unto this point, has been a learning experience, that while sometimes painful, it has all been necessary to get to this fantastic experience I have right now, which is the Gulf Coast Rollergirls.

Derby Love-
Boo Boo LaRue

www.gulfcoastrollergirls.com

Lack Thereof

2010-02-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

I've been in some sort of activity for most of my life so far. When I was little it was like ballet, karate, roller skating, "jazzersizing" hahaha. When I was in high school, it was cheerleading, colorguard, water polo, I even tried playing the french horn, wtf?. Through college I was more of a book worm but I went to the gym 4 times a week. My dad was my number one fan at everything I did, and pushed me to do more and more...after he was gone, I didn't feel like doing anything. I gained 40 pounds and sat on my ass all day and ate and went to work and came home and that's about it.

I started playing roller derby because at that point in my life I was sick of just not doing anything, the gym is boring, I hate walking in my neighborhood cuz its creepy and I was going through a bad break up and I just wanted to do something for me. I just wanted to be independant of that relationship and make new friends and move on with my life and this sport had allowed me to vent out a little frustration. Well, turns out that guy and I ended up back together but I didn't give up derby despite his opposition. He still today thinks that everything I wear a bouts is too little, too see through, too tight, too short...It's like wtf? Do you want me to wear a turtle neck and a moo moo? This is roller derby, we are sexy, strong and bad chicas and we don't wear anything that we don't feel comfortable playing this aggressive sport in. He doesn't come to my bouts, he always says he will but he doesn't...wack I know but hey, I'm still a girl with a heart bigger then my bite.
Anyway, enough about that...

I am my own support system and my team is the cherry on top. I know If my dad were still here, he would be at every game and would be like the weird man holding a sign with my name on it screaming "GO DOLLY!" He would be my number one fan.

That's all for today folks!
Loves & Shoves,
Destructo Dolly

-Looking for a team to join? hit up www.renegaderollergirlssocal.com for info!

Rollerderby Saved my Soul!!!!!!

2010-02-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

Rollerderby Saved my Soul !!!!! No dought.......I grew up on an Indian reservation......a fellow Indian treated like a minority........this is where negativity and greed delegated my life.......not to mention friends were only a luxury.........the skeletons of my families past tucked me in at night.......every day including the present has been nothing less than struggles and constant fight.........constant fight to not loose myself along the way.........a constant fight to just to be......EVERYDAY......

Rollerderby can make or brake you......both figuratively and literally.......both mentally and physically........its the support from our loved ones ........from our fans that make the drama some how more tolerable.......not to mention if your lucky enough to have actual team mates fighting with you..........not against you.......

I have played sports all my life........our family raised race horses for a living ........in school i played basketball,,,,, volleyball,,,,,track.,,,,,and wrestling,,,,,,, would have played football if they let me..........so needless to say .....sacrifice is nothing knew to me ........rollerderby just on another level you see......

Growing up with so much hatred......negativity and greed........that's just from my family........tends to way on your soul on a daily........one word comes to mind........ANGER..........this force of anger can be dangerous.........causing self destruction or even worse..........BITTERNESS.........i was lost when rollerderby found me........I couldn't help but to think wait a minute......you mean i can be as rough and as tough as i need to be......beating females down.......instead of going to jail..........she buys me a drink .......now this my friends is good therapy .........if you ask me..........

Again rollerderby nothing less then unique sport by far..........think about it people.......this is the only organized sport that doesn't concentrate on your physical attributes........where age isn't nothing but a number........and size truly doesn't matter.......color is not an issue........the more piercings and tats the better.........with this deep level of uniqueness comes an even deeper level of sacrifices and commitment...........lets face it ladies........non of us truly knew what lies beneath what we see........being a rollergirl is so much more than carrying the tittle roller derby queen..........

My support system starts with faith........destiny.........and pure hope .......that one day these sacrifices will not go un-noticed.........I would like to personally include the fans..........last but not least.........my little sister and the few friends I've lost along the way.........they were there when i needed them........thanks!!!!!!!! I would like to apologize to those who were ignored by my love n passion for this sport.......a widow if you may........4 years ago derby entered my life.........been lucky enough to excel on a daily basis........on another level......lucky enough to be known all over the Midwest and sprinkles of the coast........like Martin Luther King said ..........I HAVE A DREAM........karma says ........I REFUSE TO LET IT GO.........

I have fought my entire life against prejudice.....against hatred........-against all odds-........I am still here.....not going any where but to the top.......I have managed to take my negative life and raise a child when i was 11.....hence my little sister.........recycled that negativity and turned it to positive for her........and i plan on doing it again........through all the drama..........the trauma........the gossip........the jealousy..........I'm going to some how recycle that and concentrate on the positive things about derby..........for derby's sake..........

www.rollerderbysavedmysoul.com go and support fellow rollergirls.........they have some pretty cool merch..........

Much Derby Love
Karma

I'D RATHER DIE THEN GET IN FRONT OF A CROWD!

2010-01-29T11:20:00.000-08:00

Stage fright is one of the most stressful most irrating problem anyone can have. It's extremely common but it can tend to get out of control on big events like a roller derby bout!

It usually starts for me a few nights before haunts you like a never ending nightmare, and the closer the game gets the more nervous and scared I become. Sweaty palms, Hypervenalating, crying and sometimes throwing up due to fear. It happens every time before a game. I have to isolate myself from the crowd and even my own team and go outside cry and just stay as positive as I can and just do what I'm there to do. After the first time around on the skating floor, the fear disapears slowly.

Noone can believe this stage fright that comes around before every game, cause I'm known to be in front of a crowd since i was a kid due to figure skating and talking on the mic when DJing at the rink. I'm not sure why it comes about but I think its just pressure that builds up and takes control over me. I think sometimes people expect me to just be number one and it pressures me cause all I want to do is skate and do as good as I can do. My roller derby number is 101 due to always putting a 101% into what you do, no matter what you can't ever give up. I save as many falls as I can, I get up the second I hit the floor. People find it pretty humerous as how I just jump off the floor like a frog after getting slammed into it. A lot of times I'll do spead eagles, where I put my legs facing ankle to ankle and then I turn around in a circle, and it avoids a lot of my falls. I can't cross pull the whole time on the corner parts cause the tracks too small for the speed I go and I usually slam into a wall.

Before a game during my anxiety I plot down some gameplans in my mind. Like who on my team I feel more confortable to create walls with, or to do a whip for me, who has my back throughout the entire game. I use everyone on my team but there's always that one person that can just swing you and you fly in full speed!

My captain brings bananas before a game, due to it preventing cramps and we have and drink lots of water along with gaterade. After each round I jam I have to immediatly sit down and drink water. A lot of girls will stand due to them not relaxing the muscles but I reallly have to sit and I watch the game. I kinda see the techniques of skaters on the other team and I see weaknessess and strongness between each skater and I love just taking advantage and showing their weaknesses during my part of the game.

After the games over you either feel amazing about how you did or you feel like you could've done better or you should've done this but you will always leave with the pride and courage of doing what you needed to do during that entire game. You never ever know what's gonna happen, you don't know how many people are gonna get hurt and out of the game where you have to skate during each round, it happens and it's frusterating, it's completly tiring but that's what endurance during practice is suppose to pay off. You should skate like you would during a game during every practice. I tend to see a lot of girls take easy at practice and then go all out during a game, and that's how you can get hurt. Your body is not use to all the work your putting into one hour and your basically beating yourself up. So word of advise for those who tend to get super tired during the game, you should practice as if it's a game.

So if you feel like it's not normal to get stage fright or even a little bit nervous, every girl on the team is nervous, some just have more of an issue with it you just gotta learn how to deal with it and stay positive.

Butterflies

2010-01-28T15:06:00.000-08:00

i had a bit of an anxiety attack before our last bout.

i've been co-ordinating our bouts since the second one SSRG put on. i thought it would be heaps of fun because i really liked throwing parties. now i look back at that niave young thing and laugh. oh how i laugh!

i would pretty much excuse myself from all social occasions and niceties in the week leading up to bout day, adding more things to lists each day than ever seemed to get crossed off of them.

i learnt a lot of things over my time in this role. for instance, certain types of jacks only give two channels of sound out of an iPod if you wiggle it out just a teensy bit and then tape it to the desk and then no one can touch it!!! never rent PA systems from a friend of a friend, because you can get it for cheap, unless you really like the idea of the freak out an hour before doors
open, because the system is so ancient that none of the band's leads actually fit the connections. lists are that honest friend who comes clean and tells you not to
leave the house in what you're wearng because it actually makes you look their mum when they were 10, and not the hot 80's revival Madonna look you are going for at all - that friend is telling you the truth because they care and you need to listen to them and do what they say.
most importantly, the best way to get lots of things done is to get other people to do them and the sooner you learn this one the easier your life will be.

don't get me wrong, the feeling of sorting out an adequate sound system, everything happening reasonably on time, finally crossing that last thing off the list and coming out the other end of another freekin rad night thinking "whatever that was that just happened, i liked it" is well worth it.

a year ago when i was so overwhelmed with everything i was trying to get done that i was stapling programs or fixing uniforms or writing runsheets the night before a bout, i'd turn up to the venue hyperventilating and not put down the paper bag until i was warming up, but things are different now, i'm more organised, i delegate, i know how long setup takes and how to handle things that go wrong (breathe).

so when i found myself relaxing with a coffee on a bout day morning, a highly unusual circumstance, i had time to actually think realistically about the coming night:
my team, the Golden Roughs had just lost 2 games in a row.
injuries had taken out a couple of our best jammers.
several girls we'd been training with for the last couple of months weren't cleared for bouting, so we were borrowing players who had taken part in a total of one training session with the team.
that night i was going to get up in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people, in my underwear, wearing roller skates and have the crap beaten out of me while people screamed encouragement and took photos under harsh lighting.
i did not feel like the nubile, young filly, athletic thighs bursting with endorphins that one should in such circumstances.

now when i say i had time to relax, i had time to have a coffee and then i really had to go get some stuff done. i knew i had to go, but my bodies reaction of not moving, reflected that quite clearly, i didn't want to leave the coffee shop. i sat there for quite some time just sort of mumbling to myself about not wanting to leave, not needing to leave...ever, not wanting to leave, tapping insanely on the table and bouncing my leg like it was getting me points in Space Invaders. i wish i was exaggerating.
i got out of there eventually, i went home and, although i didn't really have time for it, removed all unwanted hair from my body and for some reason that made me feel better. i went on my merry way, got to the Arena a bit late, everything was being taken care of, i remained calm, directed my team that they new what they had to do and that they could do so competently, we won the game and in doing so, the season. hurrah!

i really have never minded not thinking about actually playing until everything has been taken care of for the night, doors are open, band is playing and we're warming up. as far as i am concerned, if i am not prepared athletically or strategically on bout day, there is nothing that can be done at that stage...except for lament not doing more cardio, drinking less beers and stretching properly after every training session...i like being occupied with more immediate concerns all day to take my mind off these things, there is no time to get nervous, freeze up in coffee shops or spend hours waxing it up like i'm Jenna Jameson getting ready for an important job interview.

this year is going to be different for me. although there is so much more to do, with bouts having become so much bigger, more complex and the crowds more demanding, than back when we were getting 300 punters along, troops have been rallied, it's all been done before and i don't have so much to worry about. i've left my post as captain after a year of making sure 14 other women are taken care of before myself and i don't even have a car anymore so someone else will be driving me to bouts (right team?).
in times of stress over the years i would whinge to myself "why can't i just turn up and skate like everybody else?!". now, several weeks out from our first bout for the year, i'm sitting wondering how the hell i'm going to survive bout day when all i have to think about is my own athletic performance.

Prepare for Destructo!

2010-01-26T09:24:00.000-08:00

So we actually just had a bout this past Friday the 22nd. It was knarly! We joined forces with the San Diego Renegade RollerGirls who rocked the rink with us! We packed into a 15-passenger van and headed out to Arizona for the season opener. We actually didn't have much prep as far as practice for the bout because unfortunately, we have an outdoor rink and we got rained out almost the entire time but boy were the girls ready for what came! but we are such a close team that the preparation just comes naturally and when we bout some of us are so used to working together that we are in tune with eachothers moves that sometimes its seems like we talked it over for days and days when in reality, it only took a look at eachother to know what we needed done. I like to call it "DSP" - Derby Sensory Perception.
I remember the first bout we did that I was in was a home bout and actually ended up being a big event, with jumpers and vendors...it was a scalding hot summer day in June, I thought I was cool with my red eyeshadow but that shit melted right off! lol. We were so pumped though and it was an amazing to experience our first victory! but that "DSP" wasn't quite there yet.

We always have the support from eachother before a game and the support of our coach. I think the best part is that we do it together as a team and everyone pulls together and gets it done. Before bouts, no matter what or who we believe in, we like to say a little prayer for all the women on the rink, because getting hurt is no fun and fun is why we do this in the first place. Although, a sweet ass bruise on the thigh or arm or bad case of rink rash never hurt anyone lol.

In preparation, we try to get as much skills down as possible, we we learn from our mistakes and we learn from other the other teams as we have only been a team for a little over a year now but we have come very far from where we were when we started. We like to get a lot of practice in and work on endurance, and just be together and enjoy eachothers company AND OF COURSE EAT!!!! EAT EAT EAT!

In conclusion...preparation is one of the main ingredients to a great result, and sometimes over-preparing only hightens your expectations and I don't like to be disapointed, so I like to find a happy medium.

Well, that's all I got for today...tune in next Tuesday for my blog and the week isn't over so check out the other blogs from the other awesome ladies of derby.

ALSO!Check out www.renegaderollerssocal.com for more info on our team or be our friend on myspace www.myspace.com/rrgsocal, if you're looking for a team to join or whateva :)
-Destucto Dolly

Behind the Scenes!!!!

2010-01-25T10:25:00.000-08:00

Women ran and women owned..........Like any other type of entertainment comes massive responsibility........Not only do we have to be responsible on representing Roller Derby in a professional matter...........We deal with all the "matter" that makes us professionals.........We are like no other sport out there.........Self sufficiant in every way........We go to work..........Attend to our families...........Make it to practice...........Go to our meetings........We train..........We teach...........Try not to preach........or complain.........because theres no room for all that in this game.......We are more than jugglers ..........atleast jugglers get paid.........alot of us do this without any personal gain..($$$)........We do it because we love it...........Love the pain.....with out pain theres no gain and Roller Derby is no exception to this rule..........

I have been in this sport for over 4 years now..........I've played with teams up and down the midwest........Different teams.......Same issues........I have been lucky enough to be a part of FMDG's first season.........Right now we are averaging 1700 people strong...... Sold out the civic center not once but twice.....Working hard on our 3rd (Febuary 6th, Civic Center, Fargo, North Dakota)..By far the most successful Organization Ive been able to be a part of.........

With this massive amount of success........Comes massive amout of sacrifices ........

Putting on a bout is nothing less than easy......Infact if you think about it........ Nothing about being a Roller-Girl is easy.........But where there is a will there is a way..........And if there are 30 wills well then there are 30 ways..........It just depends on how big you want to make an impression.........Fans see a finished product.........The bout itself.........What you dont realize is we dont pay our people to be there..........We dont pay our events cordinators shes your fifth grade teacher..........We dont pay anyone on the Board of Directors its there love that gets us here........

Behind the scenes we deal with the DJ's the photographers.......Press passes to the face painters......EMT's to the chiropractors....... The cancelations, trails, and tribulations........Last minute phone calls........More security.......Some one to man the merchandise booth........Cant forget about the "Ask Me" girls.......The announcers.........The ticket takers......What band is playing..........What half time show..........Racing from interview after interview........Trying to keep our Zebras (officials) happy...........Putting up poster after poster.......Have you got your tickets yet????????Insurance on skaters.........Signing the final contract for the Venue..........Dealing with the haters while trying to deligate 50 skaters...........Whos on the final roster........Managing the volunteers.........Setting up the track..........Whos taking it down.........Clean up crews...........Hello where is the BLACK SHARPIE fool ........Keeping our sponsers happy.........On skate promoting........Off skate mingling.......What are we gonna give our fans this time around............And thats just the questions that run through our heads on the day of..............First aid kits..........Water .........Ice packs.........Last but not least..........Where is the after party at..........

From the trama to the drama a true Roller-Girl rises to every occasion.......A Roller-Girl never gets enough nor does she give up.........A Roller-Girls job is never done.........Roller-Girls of the world.........My fellow sisters give yourself a hand........until we meet again have a shot on me........

A successful bout can only be attained if and when everyone is on the same page..........Not the same chapter.........It is a very delicate procedure........It takes a village to raise a league......From the vets to the fresh meat.......The trainers to the referees........The volunteers to the support of our loved ones......Not to mention our fans........Everyone is equaly important........It truly is a beautiful thing.......with this beauty comes massive effort..........I just want to thank everyone who is involved in making this process a reality..........

With team work determination mixed with a little persistance I believe anything can be accomplised.........

SPECIAL THANKS TO FARGO MOOREHEAD AREA FOR MAKING OUR JOURNEY TO THE TOP MEMORABLE..........

Much Derby Love
Karma

It's not about the size of the person, It;s about the size of their heart they put into their passion

2010-01-22T11:44:00.000-08:00

Roller derby in my eyes is a team sport with a bunch of girls who were always known as aggressive, tattoos, colored hair, the one's that you can spot out a mile away in highschool. I have the aggression but when it comes down to my outer image most people don't believe me when I say I'm a roller derby girl.

They call me The Dude. I'm only 5'0 tall and weigh probably about 113lbs...in other words I'm tiny. I'm not covered in tattoos and my hair was always Blonde or brown. I was always into punk rock music, going to shows, and moshing in the pit. I'm an aggressive girl with a lot of adrenaline pupping through. I have a lot of anger issues from the past but then again most of us do.

I started roller skating at the age of like 4. My family and I went roller skating at fountain valley and at the age of 4, I couldn't stand up on skates to save my life. I was girly girl growing up. If it wasn't a dress I wouldn't wear it. I was into barbies and whole disney princess themes. My mom started putting me in rollerskating classes on saturday mornings and for some reason I wouldn't ever leave the floor I'd skate the group class and move up quitly to the next upper level and then I'd skate the entire session from like 12pm-4pm. I started getting pretty good and my mom put me into private lessons and then I started artistic roller figure skating and did competitions. I was so into it. I did dance, freestyle (jumps and spins), Figures (tracing the circles), to pairs, to team dance, to creative solo, you name it I did it. We'd travel to fresno once a year did regionals and then go to nations everywhere where it was somewhere in Florida or Nebraska. My highschool schedule was insane. About 3 times a week I'd wake up at 4:30 in the morning go to the rollerskating rink, have a lesson and practice from 5am-7am, then go to school then straight from school I'd go right to the rink skate from 3:30-6:30 and forced my mom to let me stay from session from 6:30-8:30 and sometimes have a lesson from 8:30pm-10:30pm and due it all over the next day. I didn't like highschool too much and never went to parties and didn't really have friends, I didn't have time nor really understood the people at my school.

Towards 16 years old I kinda got sick of figure skating. Coaches were all about winning, winning winning, I was just in it for the sport and passion and if I didn't take first place I got a pretty mean lecture that left me in tears, So finally I quit and got into jam skating (break dancing/hip hop dancing on skates) at like 17 years old. When I was about 18 years old my figure skating coach started up a roller derby team and it was 18+. It had all the local session skaters in it so i gave it a shot. There were A LOT of girls on the team and I quit that team after 2 months due to the girls being competetive and it didn't feel like a team sport to me, I felt like i was competing my own team.

The team split up and later on 5 girls formed a new team called The Renegade Rollergirls OC. I worked at the roller rink and did clean up everytime they came in. I was really cool with the captain who was on the last team before split up and me and her were always cool. Well Somehow I got talked into practicing with them one night and next thing you know. Im The Dude #101 on the renegade rollergirls.

So being a nobody turned into me being a rollergirl, The dude. It felt amazing cause I have more balance on my rollerskates then I do on my 2 feet due to all the effort and time with my figure skating. Derby in my eyes really helped me out. I stick up for myself now. I have friends, and People don't doubt me anymore cause of my size. My mosh pitting days just feels like roller derby but with rollerskates on, the way I feel in that pit-freedom, strongness, like you feel good, it's exactly how I feel when I'm on that floor during derby.

It doesn't matter on how big you are, how strong you are, how tatted up you are, it matters on how much heart and effort you put into it.
I hope a lot of girls who are scared of the sport cause its known for the aggressive stronger woman step up and work hard to just do it. My image of me on that rink I hope encourage those to just do it. You want it, then go do it. It takes a thousand practices, a thousand falls, to get where you need to be. But there's never a word as perfect, no matter how good you are you always need to practice, you always have to put more and more effort each time. There's no such thing as the word Can't, I think I can is all that you can really tell yourself.

For first time I have a team that is just unbelievably talented, sincere, strong, caring, and they all do it with heart. Roller derby is a tough sport, its scary, you never know what's gonna happen till it's done and your already on the ground. Don't ever give up you fall you get back up and keep going till that whistle blows. I am a rollergirl, I'll always be a rollergirl. I'm the dude #101, and I'll always be the dude #101.

cave-wife and the city

2010-01-21T13:18:00.000-08:00

somewhere between foraging for food and having tiny flowers painted on false, plastic fingernails, something's been forgotten. this makes me uncomfortable.
sitting at a desk for 8 hours out of 24 makes me really quite anxious.

i predict that the bodies and minds of anyone born from 2032 onwards will be made to sit at desks, staring at screens for 8 hours out of 24, but right now, i am still primitive. my body and mind are made for survival.

i love eating, drinking, sleeping, fucking and fighting (in a fighting-against-the-boundaries-of-my-body sorta way, not a punching-some-jerk-in-a-bar-cause-he's-being-rude-to-my-friend kinda way...although that may have happened just one time) and attracting my mates by putting on ridiculous shows of public humiliation.
i think I'd make a pretty good cave-wife (apart from my tendency to use big words).

there are these inexorable curiosities in me that need to know that if i had to fight for my life, i'd at least be able to give it a pretty good shot.

but if i lived my life by the word of the cave-wife, in this day and age, i wouldn't be washing my hair with the pricey, ultra-moisturising hair products that make me feel so pretty that's for sure. picture more sexually transmitted disease ridden, in n outa prison livin, park lady with the crazy-eye by 28, instead of amiable, graphic designer with a clean bill of health.

so maybe most people are a fair bit more evolved than me and are fine with the way things are, but i didn't get a choice in the matter, so i play the roller derby, where i'm allowed to let the cave-wife within take control.

i get to find out that i can withstand physical pain and admit that i like knowing it. i'm supposed to hit people as hard as i can.
i'm given the opportunity to see how much i can give and take physically, mentally and emotionally (cause you and i both know that if the determination wasn't there, there's no way my body is picking itself off the floor after the sixteen thousandth massive hit that i didn't see coming cause i was distracted thinking about what a jerk every one i've ever been in a relationship with is, how many days until i get a proper nights sleep again and why exactly i bought tequila shots for 6 people i'd only just met, last weekend when i hadn't done grocery shopping yet and now i have to eat baked beans all week again.

i like that when i'm focused on playing i switch into a much more comfortable mode where i am acting on my impulses rather than 3 days of torturous thought on whether to txt or call and if i do either, should i use the phrase "do you want to..." or "it would be cool if we..."?.

i like that my strength and size is being used for more than just making me feel uncomfortable about buying jeans.

i love it when i use my peripheral vision and judgement of speed within 2 seconds to make a certain distance and take down my opposition. it's likehunting...and dammit! the tribe's eating meat tonight!!

i love that people pay good money to watch me satiate my animal instincts, and that it's accepted and applauded because i smile and obey rules and wear stockings and makeup and so they recognise me as a (basically) regular 21st century woman.

i really love it that i can admit that i am still primative and act on the impulses that i spend repressing most other times.

and i especially love it that after 3 (or something) years of obsession, sweat and pain and then a relaxing 6 week break over xmas/summer -
i might have been starting to think that maybe i wanted inconveniently long fingernails and to spend a bit more time dissecting why he said "do you want to come over?" instead of "I want you to come over", maybe the cave-wife got a bit distracted by the thought of a lazy sunday afternoon beers and a dvd with non-derby friends instead of the muscles in my thighs feeling like burning...
- but it only took a single scrimmage session, last night to release the beast and make me feel more human than anything else in my life does.

the Sun State Roller Girls are back in session...and we'll be eating meat all year round if La Mort Rouge has anything to do with it

Ocho Cinco

2010-01-20T09:53:00.000-08:00

My mom reminded me a few days ago about something I completely forgot..

As a child, a Catholic child.. we went to mass on Saturday night. To my mom, this meant that even though mass was at 7, we ladies began getting ready at 3. I got bathed first, and sat with my hair in HUGE rollers, petticoat and socks with the lace ruffles, and watched TV while my mom got prettied up. I can't beleive I forgot about this, but once she jogged my memory, it all came back to me. While my mom was getting ready, I would watch 2 solid hours of banked track derby. I don't recall the name of the team, and a quick search turned up zilch, but they wore green and yellow.

I remember on commercials, I use to slide back and forth on the tile in the kitchen and pretend to knock the crap out of the kitchen chairs and the fridge. I don't recall any injuries from actually making contact, but I sure was ferocious!! As soon as the commercial was over, I was back in front of the tube till my Dad's episode of HeeHaw came on..

During the week, I apparently jammed through the pack of stuffed animals in my room, and clotheslined them into the walls.

That probably directly contributed to my mom's claims of "she ain't right"..and my subsequent prescription for meds to calm me down..

I don't really remember how I got away from watching derby, or how I even forgot about it altogether..but I did. But I think the roots were already taking hold for what has now become "Boo Boo LaRue".. (this is my dad's nickname for me because I am clumsy, whenever I would fall, he would say "whoa there Boo Boo LaRue."..I called my son that one day out of the blue and thought what a perfect derby name for myself, and a lasting way to honor my ageing, dying father.)

I grew up, (all the way up to 6ft3) went to college, became a wife and a stepmother, then a mother and grandmother. I thought I was pretty OK with life, but I always felt..like something was amiss.

I tried for a long time to conform to what was acceptable to society, to not embarrass my kids. But I always kinda wanted to embrace my inner edgy chick..I just always kept her repressed.

Moving on..I got settled in the monotony of my life, and I even got depressed. I gained weight. Alot of it. I weighed almost 422lbs at my worst.

About the same time I was at my heaviest.. a death,a drowning occured. I was left in pieces. Broken. May 2008. I laid in bed, and cried for almost 5 solid months. When I finally did decide to get up and get out.. "Fight or Flight"..I joined my first derby team.

They say you should never regret anything, because at one point, it's exactly what you wanted. Most of that is true..but I think there's parts of what you think you wanted, that you could do without. That's how it was for me, I probably should have gotten my grieving over with first, perhaps suffered from a tad of PTSD. Perhaps it was just high time for me to get my ass kicked..

Derby, can break you, if your weak. It damn near broke me. I injured myself, skating without a helmet, and a plastic clip in the back of my head..got a concussion. It did hypnosis, and shed many tears, and second guessed why I had the mental block, driving people insane with it. I threw my helmet down and sat on the bench with tears in my eyes many times. Swore this was it. But I always came back. Glutton for punishment I reckon..or for the love of derby..I guess I was stronger, had more tenacity, then even I knew.

Perhaps if I had started derby, after getting my grief worked out first, I would not have made things so very diffcult for myself..but thats how I am. I always tell people, if there is a simple way, and a hard way, I surely will go about things the hard way.

That's not to say I was alone in this.. any derby girl worth her salt knows that drama follows derby girls around like starving children at a Pizza Hut Buffet..

I thought, to an extent, the secret to me being more fit, to me being stronger, emotionally, and to me finally beginning to get over my grief, was derby. I put myself through more than I should, because I thought I had to have derby, I guess I was afraid of reverting..

I really should have given up.. after a year, I should have either just quit trying to skate, or just been satisfied with being an NSO. But, I was happy with being more fit, and losing 160lbs..and my stubborn streak was firmly in place. I was not going to let this kick my ass. So, after a big hullabaloo.. I struck out on my own. That began Gulf Coast Rollergirls Version 1.

Bits of life really suck sometimes.. I had to learn to stop worrying about those bits..

The Dolly Awards

2010-01-19T08:22:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone! it's Destructo Dolly...so this is my first time doing a blog. I may not be good at it, but I'm giving it a shot.

I skate for the Renegade Rollergirls of So Cal. A great group of girls and our coach Ben Jammin' makes the sweat, blood, tears, torn tendons and bruises all worth while and it's truly a rush to get out there and get rough and tough with our other derby sisters.

So during the holidays, our team did like an award banquet which was really nice and all. We ate at some sushi buffet place which was an odd choice for a bunch of chicks who love beer and burgers but hey, I eat almost anything... so moving on...

We were presented with awards from our team captain DTP, i won take down of the year thank ya very much! Well I thought it would be cool to give all the girls on my team a signature move and give it a bit of humerous twist, if you know me...you'll be laughing at me or with me at some point for sure!

So I sent out an email to the team saying these are my signature move awards...also known as "The Dolly Award" so here they are for your enjoyment:

The Drive By- Lola La Chola (she takes out the whole barrio!)
The Bowling Ball- Haulin Ash (she turns girls into bowling balls)
The Slide-O-Destructo- Destructo Dolly (I take no prisoners! Take a knee, they go down everytime)
The Speed Angel- Angel Luv Assualt (she is fast is hell, but looks like an Angel doing it)
The Charging Glory- Old E. Glory (she jammed and blocked at the same friggin time!!!!)
The Punch-O-Might- Mighty Mo (throws punches and break her nails while she's at it)
The Car-men Crash- Lil' Queen Bee ( When someone gets taken down, she joins in! like a car crash haha)
The Dominatrix- Kimmie Knockers (she ties your hands behind your back & takes control, bow down! )
The Scissor Sister- Milk Tank...Oh I mean Klinikaly Insane (You fall & she's got you in a scissor grip)
The Disturbance- Disturbing the Peace (Disturb her peace, & you'll end up in peices...or w something dislocated ha ha)
The Cowgirl Dive- JxJx Justice (she dives for your ankles and pulls you down like the track is her rodeo)
The Sunburn- Sunday Smackdown (take cover, go hide! the shade won't save you from her)
The Ben-Tastic Voyage- Ben Jammin' ( whether he is taking us to victory, or taking us to funky town, he has given us a journey to remember!!)

Anyways, that's all I got for today! Tune in next Tuesday for my blog and check out the other stuff rollerderbyvixens.com has for you to look at!

-Destructo Dolly

2010-01-19T08:19:00.000-08:00

Number One

2010-01-18T14:27:00.000-08:00

What goes around comes around......Karma.......It is what it is..........Karma.........My name is Karma........The game is Rollerderby..........The time is now!!!!!!!

Four years ago rollerderby entered my life and it hasn't been the same bi far.........Karmic Recall #911 was born into this eclectic family.........I am proud to say a derby girl.......all heart.....no bull.......Karmic Recall has finally found her home!!!!!!

A unique sport to say the least......Misunderstood bi many.......Accepted bi all........Doesn't make much cents..........Most of us don't make dollars........It's pure love for this sport that keeps us rolling......Keeps us growing.......Together we skate.......Together we fall.......At times we even end up bashing up against a wall........A dying bread that refuses to die.........Not without her dailly beating!!!!!

Every rollergirl has her own personal reason......Why she chooses to be a part of rollerderby.... I speak on behalf of me and me only......This sport has givin me so much more than any one person can visually see.....It gave me a whole new sence of being.........A purpose if you may........ It gives a women not only power on a whole other level........But a voice.........Screaming......... Demanding to be heared.........At the same time It gives me a chance to relieve daily stresses most importantly gives me strength to accept and deal with my past........It has made me a better person........It isn't just a sport........It's a lifestyle we choose to accept .........The good with the bad........A true rollergirl has no regrets!!!!!!

This is what I live for.......What I breath........My soul craves rollerderby tranquility.........From the roughest to the toughest..........The sexiest to the silent........We are the ninjas of it all........... the true ninjas of life........We are someones mother........Someones daughter.........Your childs elementry teacher..........Some of us are even doctors......What ever the case may be.......We are all these things and much much more........We are rollerderby girls............

Like a tattoo........Rollerderby is forever.........whether you're a spectator.......a fan.......most importantly a player of the game.........Once you taste it you tend to crave it!!!!!! This is where you love it or leave it......What ever the case may be.........You will never forget that moment in time when you can say you where a part of something bigger than you .......Bigger than me....... A sport created bi pure love.......Raw passion........Integrity.........And that my friends is truly a beautiful thing........

This is my first blogg of many........I would like to take the time out and give props where props are due.........This goes out to all my rollerderby sisters out there..........To all the sacrifices we make for the love of it all...........The dedication not to mention the respect you gain when you lace up your skates........Keep on rolling girls........We are doing great!!!!!

A special thanks to the friends and family of a rollergirl.......We would be nothing without the support of our loved ones............Thank You!!!!!!

Much Derby Love,
Karma

Welcome To Roller Derby Vixen's Blog

2010-01-09T20:21:00.000-08:00

Every day we will bring you a blog from a different RollerGirl around the world. News, stories and insights about Roller Derby from a world wide perspective.